#super sincere guy who’s weak to praise……..

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

he has bewitched me

[anonzentimes]

*guy who loves talking about despair disease voice* wait can we talk more about despair disease. i have so many thoughts on despair disease and esp how it pertains to nagito

i feel like when a lot of people first play/watch the games they see nagito as someone who lies to manipulate people, which while i can’t super blame them for thinking that way bc of how hajime tries to reconcile his conflicting feelings over nagito, i get SO frustrated when ppl call nagito a liar bc no!!! no he’s not!!! you’re falling for other characters’ perceptions of him!!! nagito almost never lies and when he does he’s either really bad at it (cough cough final FTE. “i got it all from a book” you are not slick buddy) or comes clean as soon as he’s achieved his desired outcome- it’s more bluffing than actual deception, and one thing he’s especially sincere in is his beliefs and admiration for the people around him. and the despair disease PROVES this without a doubt!!

ok. i know in-text the despair disease is described as “reversing people’s personalities,” but i’ve always interpreted it a little differently. ibuki isn’t the opposite of gullible, akane isn’t the opposite of a coward, and nagito isn’t the opposite of a liar. to me, it’s always seemed like the despair disease gives its host the trait they’d most hate to have— whatever trait would instill in them the deepest despair. ibuki hates conformity- stick her with a disease that makes her blindly follow whatever she’s told. akane hates showing weakness- force her into a state of constant crying. nagito hates the idea of deceiving his classmates- make him incapable of being sincere. this interpretation makes mikan’s disease make a little more sense too imo, since remembering her brainwashing isn’t exactly reversing her personality but instead literally filling her to the brim with despair. ANYWAYS.

nagito Actively Despises not being able to tell the truth. he hates the despair disease, he sees it as a complete waste. in the ult. luck and hope and despair mangas, we actually get to see some of his internal monologue right before he passes out, and he is In Hell. he’s pissed that he can’t serve as a proper stepping stone in his state, he thinks the whole disease is stupid, and he gets so frustrated about not being able to properly encourage the group that he Literally Starts Foaming At The Mouth ????? like if you EVER wanted undeniable proof that nagito is sincere look at the despair disease. it’s basically a roundabout truth serum for him and that’s a huge part of why it’s one of my favorite motives

sidenote i feel like the despair disease has a shit ton of analysis potential in general just bc of how it turns characters into what they hate the most!! i loveeee brainstorming what symptoms certain characters would have gotten were they to get infected. hajime especially. maybe he’d get a fawning disease where he starts praising everyone nagito-style (this would highlight their bystander parallels and also make hajime feel MISERABLE bc he fucking hates when nagito points out how similar they are lmao). or maybe he’d get an apathy disease that’d essentially izuru-fy him (wonderful foreshadowing potential there, not to imagine the incredible angst of izuru being the thing hajime would hate to be most in the world.) alas i am not a fanfic author so i will sit with my concepts but it is a wonderful daydream with any dangan characters i’d highly recommend it :]

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!!!! I SCREAM IN UNISON WITH YOU I LOOOVEEE THE DESAIR DISEASE!!!!! MAN… I’M SO OBSESSED WITH HOW YOU INTERPRET AND ARTICULATED THE DESPAIR DISEASE💗💗💗 The Despair Disease is genuinely so good for analyzing I really do believe Danganronpa 2 Chapter 3 is the best Chapter 3 out of the franchise. I think the reserving of their personalities truly meaning the traits they would hate to have is soo good I’m eating up, sealing it in my heart, and using it forever such a delightful way to explain it. The interpretations on what disease Hajime would get is so fun, I’ve seen some people interpret him getting the honesty disease which is fun in concept but I don’t think it works as well as other ideas could, y’know? Your ideas for a potential apathy or fawning disease are really fun to me, I like the idea of the fawning disease tapping into how much of a realist he is and giving him the opposite attitude Lol. Thank you so much for sending this it’s so fun I’ll be thinking about this forever, I wish I was a fanfic writer aha! I really want to become a fanfic writer, soon with time I suppose. Thank you again for sharing your daydreams with me, you’re very right it does have a lot of analysis potential! :D

[whetstonefires]

Fanfic meme: questions 1 & 11, for a fic of your choice.

Oh no vikings, it's so much harder when I have to pick which one! 😭 What if I praise myself for a fic nobody likes or something?

I'll roll dice. I will...okay online rng rolled a 165 sided 'die' and came up 69. Which is not at all a sexy fic I regret(?) to tell you. 69 fics back is and amber is ageless, the Earth-3 Ultraman pov fic where he adopts a kitten.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Hah! Well, for one thing, my actual kitten that I found in a bush. Provided me with a lot of detailed inspiration about the minutiae of taking in and settling down a diseased little feline who'd been through the wringer, made that part basically effortless. I'd already decided Ultraman kept a cat in the Fortress, because he is so isolated and despite it all he's a version of Clark Kent and doesn't like too much alone, but drawing on recent personal experience made that part fun and easy to write.

The other 'this way' is 'from Kal's pov with only a dim self-awareness wrt how much he sucks' and that's harder to pin down. Lotta factors.

It's the second Ultraman pov fic I did, but the first one was only a little for the sake of his perspective and mostly to get outside pov on a Jokester & Alex Luthor interaction and showcase the hammer I'd lifted from the Countdown to Final Crisis earth-3 Jokester design. And I'd done his backstory as Lois breaking down her research for Alex. Because this setting is deliberately structured to focus on its own heroes, since canon mirrorverses get hung up on the evil version of their protagonists.

So part of it was I wanted a place to really dig into what makes him tick. The way Ultraman is a product of his upbringing in the opposite direction from Superman, but also the alignment flip I gave the world left him predisposed to dickishness in a way Superman is predisposed toward being considerate. Superman is always choosing to be good, largely as a result of the person the Kents raised him to be and the bedrock emotional security associated with that self-identity.

Ultraman is the opposite and I wanted to really get on the page how much insecurity in all senses plays into that.

Because I'd done Owlman and he is extremely uh. Strange person. Weird priorities. Possibly compelled by a variety of monomanias he believes to be purely rational. Sincerely convinced of his own supremacy, although also just vulnerable enough to doubt on this subject that his need to validate his own ego is still an exploitable weakness, in the way of supervillains.

(Superwoman can be baited this way only by the prospect of losing a head-to-head physical fight, but is much more easily distracted than Owlman because she cares about enjoying herself more than increasing or showing off her naturally enormous power.)

And the thing with Kal is that he's not. Not really strange. Does not really qualify for any kind of personality disorder. Psychologically he's mostly a pretty standard product of trauma and bad life decisions, the kind of guy who resents everything because he's so unhappy but can't conceive of a way to change his life to make him happier beyond hollow external models of 'success' like getting the girl. Who just so happens to have godlike power.

Of course it's not just so happens, because he was tough and strong from early childhood and accidentally killed his parents in a fairly normal grade-school tantrum, ruining his own life.

Which like. Definitely inspired by the old superbaby comics where Jonathan Kent is constantly stressing about the baby giving away his secret identity and it's like. Your life is in danger this toddler does not know how to not kill you.

Anyway he came up through the Kansas foster system having a bad time, and not having a much worse one only because of powers he kind of hated and felt freakish for because again he accidentally killed his own parents and only got away with it because no one knew he had super strength so lying about a 'big monster' smooshing his parents with the dining room table was more plausible. A huge part of his personality is based around the inadequate coping mechanisms he developed to cope with this formative trauma.

The idea that he was a Superior Existence (who was alone in the universe for reasons that were not his fault) was delivered to him when he went back to the old farmhouse, recovered the Jor-el materials, found out he was an alien, and set up the Fortress, and for him supervillainy is very much compensating for his underlying lack of self-worth and repressed guilt and vague sense of dysphoria, because when you feel like A Very Normal Guy who is also A Freak that's what happens. I think finding out he was an alien helped a lot with hating his own body, his body which was also himself and his chief asset considering he's an orphan who got a shit education.

Kal is both the one of the Big Three villains in this setting who is the most normal and whose behavior can be most accurately attributed to 'mental illness' as such, which I think is a neat dichotomy.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I think I might have already covered this, whoops! Lmao it's definitely the effect I got where Kal is Just Some Guy who like, feels entitled to the girl he likes and thinks shitty misogynistic things when resenting other people's happiness. And whose gruesome fantasies of violence in reaction to minor inconveniences hit the beats of the average person's sense of aggravation but are backed by the fact that he really could put his hand through someone's face on a whim and has been known to do so.

But who also just. Is capable of being charmed by the attitude of a stray cat and wearing a leather glove to protect it from his skin when it keeps biting.

I think the technical element I'm most satisfied with is how I linked his reaction to Matchbox's defiance with his complicated Thing for Lois. I feel like I built up to it and showed it happening in a natural way, rather than just being like 'the kitten reminded him of Lois Lane.'

[zukkoxx]

sparring with the boys!

w/ bakugo, kirishima, sero, shoto

bakugo 💥

sparring with bakugo was nothing new.

you were one of the few classmates that could keep up with him in a match, and being his s/o was just another reason to spar with him regularly.

he also liked you to push yourself to get better.

no way would he date a weak side kick. you’d have to be able to give him a run for his money for him to even say a word to you.

most of the time, the spars were really serious.

a time where both of you worked on things you needed to improve on, and gave each other tips that you think would help.

even though bakugo was a bit reluctant when it came to getting advice, he still appreciated the fact that you cared about his fighting style.

sometimes though, on more chill days, you and bakugo would have a light match, which usually resulted into being able to spend more quality time with him. wink wonk ;)

it was a little early into the night, and bakugo decided to have a spar match before he went up for bed.

you two had been going for about half an hour already, and even though you both had energy to keep going, it seemed like the match was going a slow pace.

bakugo had sent his left fist towards you, and you swiftly dodged it, smirking when he growled.

he tried to throw you off by quickly sending a punch with his right, but you were able to grab his hand, and used your leg to trip him onto his back.

you quickly got on top of him, pining him down and smiling in victory

“what the hell? i said no legs this round!”

“what’s the fun in that katsuki? come on, this match is boring.” you sighed, about to throw your legs off of him when he stopped you, pressing his hand against your thigh.

he sat up so that you were straddling his lap. “boring huh? well what could i do to make it more interesting for you?” he had a scowl on his face, but you could clearly see the playful glint in his eyes as he stared at you.

“mmmm i don’t know, maybe stop sending punches directly to my face!” you yelled, pushing him away and standing up.

“you think a villain is gonna stop fighting you if you tell them to?” the blond asked, laying back down on the matted floor.

“maybe if i give him the puppy eyes. it seems to work on you, right?” you pouted playfully, sticking out your bottom lip and turning your eyebrows up.

bakugo’s scoffed turned into a chuckle as he stood up, walking closer to you. “you’re lucky your cute.” he bent down, pressing a peck on your lips before wrapping an arm around your back and pushing you to the ground.

you hit the floor with a thud and looked at bakugo who was glaring down at you mischievously. “prick.” you mumbled, turning your head away as he went to kiss you again.

his lips connected with your cheek, and you felt him smile as he pulled away. “your prick. dumbass.”

kirishima 🪨

kiri loved sparring with you!

it gave him a chance to practice on his hand on hand combat while being with his favorite person ever

sounds like a win win to him

you guys tried to spar at least twice a week, maybe three times if your schedules fit it

sparing with kirishima usually consisted of praising each other and exclaiming how good the other was.

it also never left either one of you hurt. kiri didn’t like to see his precious s/o in pain. especially not because of him.

“wow babe! that move was amazing! can you teach me that?”

“sure kiri. all you do is wait until your opponent throws a punch, then turn your back to them, grab it’s arm, and fling them over your back.” you demonstrated slowly to your boyfriend. “that should give you enough time to get the lead on them.”

kirishima stared at you lovingly as you explained. “what did i do in my past life to deserve such an awesome s/o?”

“kiri stoppp.” you blushed, laughing playfully.

you guys tried moves on each other for a few more minutes until kiri gave a suggestion.

“i’ve been trying to make my body stay hard for a way longer period of time. the problem i have is my stomach. it seems to not want to hold as much as my other body parts.”

you listened intently, grabbing a drink out of kiri’s water bottle. “so uhhh, you mind punching me a few times around there? just so i can try to figure out what’s the problem.”

“you sure kiri?” you asked.

“of course babe! i need some type of stimulation that would trigger it to stay hard longer. this will really help me out.”

you shrugged and agreed, watching kirishima lift up his shirt, cheeks heating up at the sight of his flexed stomach. “don’t get all flustered on me babe. it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“shut up.” you muttered before kirishima hardened his stomach and you began throwing punches around the area.

“aww come on y/n. i know you can do better than that. are you underestimating your man? i can take it!” he smiled, encouraging you to hit harder.

you complied, and started putting more force into the punches.

this continued for about four minutes, taking 10 second breaks each minute. by the time the five minute mark hit, you pulled your hands away, shaking them.

kiri looked at them, and gasped so loudly you thought he had hurt something.

but no, he was staring wide eyed at your hands.

“Y/N WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU WERE BLEEDING!?” he asked. you looked at your hands and shrugged. “i honestly didn’t notice kiri.”

“UGH this is all my fault. i’m sorry baby, i’ll take you to recovery girl ASAP.” he bent down, picking you up and flinging you over his shoulder with ease.

“but kiri i’m fine!”

your protest fell on deaf ears. your were already out of the training room and halfway down the hall to recovery girl’s office.

sero 🩹

training with sero was....an experience.

there was never a session that would end without you two flirting or making out with each other.

it was just...the two of you, alone together, in tight clothing and all sweaty?

a formula for disaster.

but- you weren’t complaining.

there were some times where you both took it seriously though.

sero would help you with whatever you needed to work on and you did the same for him.

recently, he was really set on working on his capturing technique. he liked the thought of behind able to snatch villains up before they could even think.

so of course you helped him achieve is goal.

“anyone anyone? please i need a hero!” you yelled in a high squeaky voice, hanging from one of the pull up bars in the corner of the training room.

“if i don’t get saved quickly, i’ll fall to my DEATH.”

sero came in shortly after, swinging on the tape from his elbows. “m’lady, what seems to be the problem?”

you scoffed halfheartedly. this was your idea sero

“well if you couldn’t already tell sir, i’m stuck on this super high building and my hands are slipping. please save me!”

“well lady you’re lucky i’m here! just hang tight and i’ll get you down as soon as possible.” sero nodded, and began walking away. you scrunched your face in confusion.

“uhh sero i know this is an act but i’m really slipping...” you warned. the pull up bar you were on wasn’t too high, but it was still left you hanging a few feet from the ground. enough to hurt your ankle if you fell from it.

and the stool you used to get up in the first place wasn’t under you anymore.

your hands were starting to sweat and you were actually slipping.

“sero quit joking around!” you yelled to the back of your boyfriend’s head.

a few seconds later, your hands let go and you closed your eyes, ready to hit the ground.

but instead, you felt something wrap around your torso, yanking you to the side. you yelped as you were pulled into sero’s arms.

when you realized he used to tape to pull you from hitting the ground last second, you looked at him with a frown. “that wasn’t funny.” you pouted, hitting his chest.

“did you really think i’d let my baby fall to their death? no way, mi amor.” he brushed his nose against yours, and you just couldn’t stay mad at him.

“thanks for saving me..my hero.” you kissed him softly and he finally let you go.

“hey! what to you say we do it again but i come from the ceiling. upside down. like spider man!” sero jumped in anticipation.

you didn’t deny his request.

shoto ❄️🔥

shoto was always hesitant when it came to sparring with you.

you were strong of course, and he knew that.

but he also knew his quirk was very difficult to defend against. and it was easy to get hurt when fighting against him.

and while he did want you to improve, he thought it’d be better for you to do it on your own, or with someone who’s quirk was a little less overpowering.

usually you agreed, but today you had just come back from a week with the hero you had been interning with and you wanted to show shoto everything you learned.

“okay shoto. don’t hold back on me now.” you told him before you started the match.

it was definitely an intense session. both of you were out of breath and sore after about an hour.

shoto eyed you cautiously as you bent over with your hand in your knees, feeling bad that he had tired you out.

“come on my love. don’t overwork yourself trying to impress me. i’m already so proud of everything you’ve done.” he said sincerely, pressing a hand against your back.

“but shoto, there’s still one more thing i want to show you.” you stood up, taking a deep breath to finally get your breathing under control and told him to go back to the other side of the spring mat.

he was hesitant at first, but did as he was told when he saw your pleading eyes.

the two of you started fighting again, and eventually you both started to get more competitive.

shoto already had a competitive personality, and while he was weary of you getting hurt, he did notice how you were able to stand your ground against him well.

you didn’t want him holding back, so he didn’t.

at some point, both of you were throwing long rang attacks that had the other falling to the ground.

you sent an attack to shoto that bounced him back, making him fall on his butt before he could stop it.

his eyes hardened, and for a moment he forgot this was just a sparring match with his s/o

he sent a huge plank of ice your way, scooping you under your feet and making you hit the ground hard.

he stared at you as you lay in the ground, breathing heavily.

after a few seconds, he realized what he had done.

“y/n!” he yelled, stumbling over himself to get to your side. he rolled you on your back so you were facing him, and his eyes sank in guilt when he saw you pain written face.

“i’m so sorry my love, i should have calmed down a bit. i didn’t mean to. are you okay?” he asked quickly, looking around for injuries.

you stayed quiet for a bit, before sitting up, grabbing shoto’s face, and pressing a big kiss against his lips.

he stared at you in shock

“shoto i’m fine!” you reassured. “i was just joking around.”

he couldn’t find words for a good 15 seconds, just staring at you with the same wide eyes from before.

after a while, his gaze softened and he shook his head with a light chuckle.

“that was cold y/n. real cold.”

“not as cold as the ice you used to slam me on my butt.” you respond, shoving his shoulder.

“i suppose you’re right.” he pressed a kiss in your forehead and cheek, letting it linger for a few seconds before pulling away. “i’m just glad you’re okay.”

hoped you guys like this! i’m open for feedback and requests! just type it here! :3 🥀

[charmspoint]

As much as I praised Talentless Nana and it’s handling of Nana, trauma she’s recovering from and the redemption she’s undertaking, I do have some problems of how it handles it’s other important character, this funky boy right here.

Lots of ranting and spoilers under the cut.

Now I do like Kyouya a lot. I think he’s a perfect blend of straightlaced serious and fun and quirky. One of his core motivations being making friends, where all of his attempts are at the same time so terribly awkward and so touchingly sincere, makes him potentially a very interesting and relatable character to have on board.

I say potentially because Kyouya himself is very underutilized both in the show and in the manga. I made a meme about it before, remember that. Most of my love for the characters comes from discussing the show with my brother and developing him in my fic, not from the actual story itself.

At first I assumed Kyouya is supposed to be a deuteragonist, an equal to Nana, mostly because of how much he and Nana were and are compared to L and Light (I might talk about that later but for now: It’s a hard comparison to call because ye I can see why but Talentless Nana is more about the characters while Death Note is more about the conflict so it’s mind games aren’t really comparable at all, Nana and Kyouya are more interesting and loveable than L and Light combined, Misa is the best character in Death Note.) But rn I can’t help but feel that Kyouya isn’t so much a deuteragonist as just an overly emphasized extra, maybe a relic from when the author did intend to make Talentless Nana more about the conflict before switching it over to more of a character driven story. Either way at this point I feel like Michiru, catboy Jin and Moe all have more development and backstory than Kyouya and Moe wasn’t even introduced in the anime. When you add to that Mr. bet you thought you’d seen the last of me, it kind of gets ridiculous.

Like there’ve been multiple times in the manga when Kyouya would show up and I’d have this moment where I just remembered ‘oh this guy is here too, he’s a character’, like I’d literally just forget he was in the story because he wouldn’t be there for the longest time and then would randomly show up when it was time to solve a murder. Like the author just remembered ‘oh yeah I’m supposed to use this guy too’.

And it’s really a shame because Kyouya has so much potential and it’s just never explored. Like his whole motivation to find friends? He does! And it’s just sorta…brushed off. Like when he introduced Fuuko to Nana as his friend, with Nana remarking she already met Fuuko here:

Like you can tell he is genuinely super excited to finally have a friend and with a good reason. Despite being technically on the side of good, through most of the story Kyouya is a lot less popular than Nana with their classmates, sometimes even suffering ostracization because they are starting to see him as a conspiracy theorist that ruins all the fun. While they respect him for his intellect they are quick to turn on him and his own awkward and blunt nature doesn’t help here at all. Nana said it herself when talking to Yuuka:

Nana presents herself as a sweet, caring, extroverted girl. She acts cute and clumsy in social situations but is trusted enough to be deemed Leader and her classmates genuinely believe that she is working herself to the bone to protect them. She is also heavily endorsed by Michiru who is the living definition of a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure. On the opposite end, Kyouya is very stoic, sometimes even scary looking, He gives of an unfriendly air as soon as he arrives, he’s socially awkward, he doesn’t know how to talk to or connect with people, he can be too blunt and insensitive and he seems to have a habit of picking on the most popular girl in school, calling her out for horrible murders. And he seems to be always be proven wrong which cements him as someone overly suspicious, as someone who just has a bone to pick with Nana. As someone unlikable.

So when Kyouya, who’s been rejected by the majority for most of the story despite his best efforts to help, protect and befriend them, FINALLY gets a friend, finally gets someone who fully believes in him and tells him she will follow where he leads, someone who is willing to go through his stoic front because she truly believes he has the right answers and he’s doing the right thing…you’d think that would be given a bit more weight. You’d think we’d see some changes in Kyouya, a bit more focus on him, a story unfold. We don’t, not really. We see Fuuko following him around and helping him and they even get a solo scene together where Kyouya says he will tell her the weakness of his talent but then it…cuts off. Like ooo must preserve the mystery, forget about the fact that we’ve known this character for almost 40 chapters and we are long overdue any new information about him. A good way to develop him is dropped right in our laps but nothing happens with it aside from Kyouya being overexcited to call Fuuko his friend whenever he can, which is admittedly very cute.

That’s not even the worst arc that’s been left dangling for him, remember his missing sister? You know, his biggest motivation to come to the island in the first place? I honestly wouldn’t blame you if you forgot, because that plot is still stuck basically in the same place where it was introduced in like ch 2 or 3 (out of 56 mind you). Like he doesn’t go anywhere with that, at all, we don’t even see him looking for her. When they burn all those bodies Nana thinks about how he might have missed his shot because his sister might have been amongst them, but that’s never confirmed or denied. My absolutely favorite set of panels on that is this one where Kyouya looks like he himself genuinely forgot he had a sister to look for.

Only to immediately be interrupted by some shenanigans. This hint at conflict doesn’t even come to be, like later Kyouya is packing up completely normal and he leaves the island completely normal without any seen resistance or last ditch attempt to look for his sister. It’s like he simply just forgot she existed again. Like at least his wish to make friends is brought up often, I stg Nana mentions his sister more times than he does.

Again, his primary reason for even being involved in this plot, is not given any sort of development or even focus. 

And like when I talk about this I usually say smtng like; Well he and Nana are slowly getting closer and are starting to look like they will form a team so maybe then he will get development. But goddamn Nanao got more development and even a flashback, completely outside of Nana’s knowledge or influence, and he’s been presumed dead since ch 1.

Not to mention that the lack of Kyouya doing much of anything aside from what he’s strictly needed for leaves his and Nana’s relationship very lacking to say the least. Like I get the idea, they are supposed to start out as enemies and eventually grow closer and team up to defeat the real bad guy and that’s a perfectly solid idea, I love these two, I love how they bounce off each other. It sure would be even better if they, you know, actually got closer. Like we barely see them interact outside of immediate rivalry and while the times they work together to discover a killer that isn’t Nana are very welcome, they are also a far cry of what we should have gotten by now. We really get no sense of Nana starting to understand Kyouya better or him starting to understand her better. When he suggests a team up, it’s because that’s what comic book characters did, not because he came to understand her better as a person and grew a trust with her that made him want to start that partnership. And again it’s endearing that he mirrors his actions towards what he sees in a comic book but also…they REALLY needed that level of trust and connection they just never got.

 I really hope that this gets better, especially now that Nana is making moves to confess her crimes and is working side by side with Kyouya instead of against him. I really hope we get more on him , his backstory, his talent, his sister, I’d take his preferred idol at this point. But until that happens it’s really hard not to feel like so much about Kyouya has simply been wasted and neglected by the author.

[vlads-yuka]

A few Ikepri suitor theories (hc?)

So just earlier (not really anymore, since this took me a few d a y s) I was talking on discord about who among the suitors would be which type (the mom, yandere, tsundere etc) and since I wrote such a long thing about Rio, I thought I could try to do the same for the others 👉👈

I base my assumptions on translations I found of canon content (as of June 7th) as well as my own understanding of Japanese (I might be wrong about things that I claim canon, so if I do please tell me).

♦

Leon

So it's pretty obvious that Leon is the Ore-sama type basic black haired first guy. I honestly don't have much to say about him, his animal is the Lion, often labeled as the king of animals (how funny haha) so he's going to be very proud and probably use MC just to do his thing and that's it. It's likely he treats MC unfairly and grants you a few misogynistic comments about how useless you are if not to allow him the throne. Eventually, he'll fall in love and become at first awkward af and then probably really sweet and somewhat protective (he has a goal to achieve and his pride won't allow him to let you be hurt in front of him). He'll have some kind of sexy scene when feelings are returned and single handedly resolve whatever drama happens while swearing to protect you and make you happy once everything is over.

♦

Yves

Yves is really awkward. He tries to act tough like he doesn't give a damn but that's to hide that he's too clumsy to say things honestly (unless it comes to Licht). Pretending to be a tsundere, maybe his lack of luck will also come with the fact that being a bitch to everyone draws them away from you, and he's probably scared of hurting the people he cares about with his harsh words, but that's his only way to hide his "weak" self. He actually doesn't feel comfortable with a lot of people so he doesn't bother opening up. He's dense as fuck and doesn't realize that Licht DOESN'T CARE. Once you try hard enough and keep on being nice to him even though he'd expect you to hate him by now, he'll be so thrown off guard that you'll get to see his adorable stuttering messy self. He'll probably threaten you to not spill what you know about this part of him. He'll gradually sweeten and allow himself to touch more MC and he probably has the cutest laugh once he fully opens up. He's not really clingy unless he's sleeping with MC (you're not getting out of the hug until he says so) and will act selfishly from time to time because suddenly he wants a hug but doesn't want to do it in front of everyone. Note that his earring will be an important part of his past and since there's only one of it, it's either that the other is somewhere else or it's originally not an earring and was something else belonging to someone dear to him. He might break/lose it at some point in his route (since he's unlucky). After MC help him trying to fix/find it for his sake he'll grow soft and tell her how she makes him happier than ever by being her lover and he doesn't need it anymore if he has you, thanking you to have let him love you (I'm thinking about that one adorable cg in the trailer where you can't see his earring and I can't tell if it's just hidden or not) and he'll find/have it fixed soon after. He'll probably tell you that being by your side makes him feel better because he's so lucky to have you that it's almost like his usual rotten luck is meaningless (or at least that's what he'll think if he's too embarrassed to say it). He probably needs to be praised (not exaggerated or he'll sulk thinking you're making fun of him) and he'll blush into an adorable mess.

♦

Licht

Licht is that one suitor who thinks he doesn't need anyone (and no one needs or wants him). He's super love deprived and will say mean stuff like he's too cool for you (it's canon he's a kuudere and misanthropist) and sincerely doesn't want to have to do anything with anyone. He's the definition of a lone wolf (funny innit) and will be cold, interested and mean with MC for a good part of the beginning of his route. Now this could go two ways. Either Nokto will reveal you about his/their past (because he's that bitch but he probably cares about him) which will allow you to somewhat find your way inside his shell and let you do something he likes, which would, for once, let him show his pure and cute smile, or something will happen causing him to have to protect you (it may be a real danger, but I'd rather think it would be something not necessarily dangerous but triggering to a trauma) and he'd drop his resting bitch face. I think his case could be similar to Kenshin's. He doesn't dislike people, he just hates that he can't/couldn't protect them. His animal being the wolf, I think Licht would become very protective once in a relationship. Him being the powerful male of you two, he'd act like the leader of a bundle of wolves and protect you as you and him. By that I mean he doesn't protect you especially, he protect what the both of you are, and it's like protecting himself at the same time. I think he'd be really quite but would love nuzzling in private. He's that one prince who's icy to everyone but warm to his lover in private. In the same logic as protecting, he'd make sure that you have everything you need and I can imagine Nokto working a bit behind the scenes too to make sure Licht can open himself in a good environment with MC. I don't think Licht hates Nokto, but I definitely think he'd be mad that Nokto is popular and can keep people around him (and in that way, somewhat protect them) so I can see Nokto understanding that and plotting things so MC can help his brother regain confidence. Licht would be the type to, like wolves, have his lover stick to him all the time, but it wouldn't feel obsessive, it'd feel more natural and protective (he's definitely not a yandere imo). In terms of displays of affection, he wouldn't be too vocal about his feelings (he doesn't know much about it yet, it's not really familiar to him to let himself feel so much) and wouldn't say much in general, he's more of an action person. In public, your hands would probably be GLUED but that's about it. In private he'd definitely hug a lot more than kissing and would be the big spoon most of the time when cuddling.

♦

Jin

I have a feeling Jin is one of those suitors who thinks MC is too pure for him and he shouldn't stain them with however disgusting he thinks he is. I expect him to be a fun mix between Shingen and Arthur and I'm pretty sure his route will be a RIDE. He's absolutely shameless and probably touchy (it's canon he's a boob man, Clavis said it so you better believe it), but I don't think he will with MC. Since he said in his profile he wants to watch MC chose a suitor rather than get involved in becoming king, I think it's going to start by him spending gradually less time with Clavis as he spies on you. Naturally, he'll fall in love (before MC does) and understand quite fast but might take some time to acknowledge it. Something will probably happen like MC randomly tripping or facing a dangerous situation for him to come out of the shadows to protect both her body and her pureness (the type of guy to fight while telling you to not open your eyes and remove your hands from your ears until he says so). Upon you thanking him, he'll go with a bitter smile because he knows he loves it but doesn't deserve it. MC will probably try to make it up to him and so he will spend more and more time being intoxicated with love while trying to push you away. Will come a moment where something bad happens and he realizes that the only way to protect what he wants to protect is with the throne. He'd probably say some cheesy line like "I didn't intend to become the king but I guess it wouldn't be too bad to have you as my wife" and will end up accepting. He'll be a king putting the well-being of the people before his and he'll keep on saying how proud he is of you. In terms of affection, he wouldn't go overboard in public but he'd definitely say some inappropriate stuff in your ear to make you blush in front of important guests. I think he would definitely keep PDA to a minimum because you're his woman and he doesn't want anyone else to see your pleasured face. But boy once you're together between 4 walls he has no self control and doesn't care a single bit if you want to work a little more before sleeping, because you're not going to be able to anyways with him in your bed. An eagle looks like it'd be free spirited and proud so I think this is where his personality will go.

♦

Chevalier

The information we have on him definitely makes him one of the hardest characters to guess for me, so I'm quite unsure and I'm sorry (I love him tho). For a start, I think a good comparison would be Nobunaga, since the first impression is pretty much the same. Now Chevalier certainly isn't as shameless as Nobu when it comes to touching women (in fact, I think that in the beginning of the route he'd be treating MC with respect but lots of distance). I'm pretty sure I caught him referring to himself as a monster several times, and he's convinced that his core is filth. However, the fact that he's a monster doesn't mean he can't do anything good. The fact that he's often drenched in blood means he fights a lot and this comforts him in his own thought that he's a monster (my best guess is that he's been called so by people in his childhood because he beat some brat up or something and he just decided to stick with it because it's just more convenient than trying to explain why he did), as well as the fact that he probably doesn't smack just anyone and does so it protect his ideals (in that way, he's quite like Mitsuhide). Again, I think that, like Mitsuhide, he overall doesn't bother supporting his acts with saying why he does them, and just does what he thinks is right. Rio mentioned that Chevalier is a late riser and Sariel added that tigers are nocturnal. During night, I think he secretly does some sort of charity stuff (secretly, because it's just laughable to have a monster do charity and he wants to keep acts of light away from his name, that's associated with filth) and probably also beats up some criminals here and there. I think that this would be uncovered a night where MC can't sleep and follows Chevalier out of the castle (maybe she's curious and wants to understand him more, maybe he dropped something) and finds about it. He's not stupid and MC probably is to some extent as usual so he'll notice and will start to tell her why he does this and why he doesn't want it to be known. Following this event MC will start to think that after all he's not just a monster and will stick with him when he goes doing charity at night because you can "Do whatever, it's not my business". While spending time there with you, you'll slowly creep up on his list of things he wants to protect even if he has to stain his hands. Of course, some kind of drama will lead him to have to do it, probably in front of a large number of people and I can see him leaving his sword aside and kneeling to the enemy to protect MC from danger. There, he'll show his sweet side and his desire to see you happy more than anything. Of course, you, who already loved him, will call him out on his bs and tell him you don't want him to be hurt either and you love his beautiful smile. He'll definitely be confused at first but then will take a new breathe and save you, who became a part of him. He'll obviously still think of himself as a monster, but he knows that doesn't mean you can't love him. He won't stop fighting for his ideals, but now that he has to protect himself to protect you, he'll stop being as reckless and definitely will be thankful that you helped him access the throne to pursue his dreams (even though at first everyone told you that you should stay away from him, but you loved seeing his eyes so full whenever he was doing something good). In terms of relationship, Chevalier will be reasonably protective and will trust you to not betray him because "Only you could love a monster like me, and I won't stop loving you either" or something like that. He'll definitely be quite of a tease in private when he wants things to get heated but most of the time it'll just be fluffy with small forehead kisses, hair combing and warm hugs (he's always the big spoon and he's soo warm).

♦

Clavis

You heard it, the court's number one problem child is romanceable (and this is so messy wtf I literally can't decypher him at all I feel like I wrote something so wrong for him ugh I'm so sorry). He loves to stir up drama and then sit back to watch and has no shame in doing so. Since MC will, as usual, be kinda dumb and innocent, Clavis will tease her A LOT, and use her to stir up even more shit. No one at the court really likes him (COUGH Sariel COUGH) but some somewhat tolerate him, like Chevalier (but if he goes overboard he'll end him). I mean I say no one important, because he sure has a lot of women swooning over him, but I can see him being all flirty and stuff but then not doing anything because he just doesn't really care, it's for fun (lol). When he mentioned Jin's preference, I think he said that he himself was more of an ass man (he said something like leg or something iirc but bruh we all know what that entails when the other option is boobs). Clavis will propose you to mess up the king election (more like drag you into it), but I'm pretty sure that it's because he knows that something fucked up is happening or bound to happen. It seems he will pull up a Mitsuhide except he drags you into it, probably to have you by his side when shit will go down so he can protect you (since you'll trust him, i guess ?). Everything will go according to plan, except for the fact that he's starting to be fond of you, so instead of just having you into the drama and protect you from afar, he'll start to actively stick with you, which will screw up his plans. I'm honestly not too sure about what will happen but basically he realizes he can't be as carefree as usual when something so big is going on and his love interest is in the middle of it because of him and decides to tell you what is happening so you can untrust yourself to him. I think from this point onwards, you both will somewhat have understood what you feel for each other, but nothing will have been said. Hand holding will be normal, and cuddling too if the situation forces you both to stick together outside and/or hide. He figures he'll just confess properly after everything will be over and he'll get to apologize for getting you into all of this. Once it is actually over, he'll turn into a big romantic (Chevalier but cringe) to start the relationship like it deserves to and then will proceed to tease the shit out of you. Overall he'll be a Mitsuhide or Leonardo type lover in my opinion. Now HEAR ME OUT, have you ever seen a leopard walking ? It's beautiful. He knows it. I can just see him walking while somehow seductively balancing his hips sjshid imagine him crawling on bed djdbjd MY MIND IS GOING DOWN THE GUTTER. He's such a flirty seductive ass but I swear he's loyal he just wants to see your cute pouting face. He's quite blunt when it comes to PDA (that's where the fact that he's an ass man comes in handy if you see me haha I can't help it he has a thot dot) and will not hesitate to straight up make out in public if he thinks it's needed (he's not dumb sjbsix he likes to stir up shit for fun but he wouldn't do something extreme if he knew it would end up bad when there are other ways).

♦

Nokto

Two words: skirt-chasing liar. The man painted his nails to have them black when he does the fox/kitsune hand symbol, he's totally trying to have people distrust him. It is mentioned that Nokto's behavior is a great contrast to his past heroic acts. Linking this to what I wrote of Licht, I think he might have been praised for whatever he did and he hated it because he didn't reach his goal (like nobunaga who unites Japan but hates the fact that there are victims nonetheless). What would be the most interesting would be if it was like I hypothesized of Licht, that he couldn't protect someone in particular. In that way, there would be a contrast between Licht feeling like he can't protect anything and Nokto who can protect everything but what he really cares about. Following this logic, his womanizer personality could be explained in the way that by chasing skirts left and right he can feel like he doesn't have anyone important and protect himself from the pain of loving someone too much and the pain of losing them. Now, either the two's traumas are totally different, or it might be the same event; if so, my best guess would be their mother's death. However, Nokto being a womanizer leads me to think that it was actually a love interest that he lost. Being a good liar and trickster (kitsune things), I assume he's good at reading people and is probably very observant of his brother. If his brother even confided in him, I'm pretty sure Nokto would hide his disappointment of not having been able to protect a few people for his brother's sake. I think his route (or at least the beginning of it) would be a mix of Mitsuhide and Arthur's, being some bold flirting at first as a warning because he wants to draw pure MC away from him. I think MC would then be drawn by his caring attitude toward Licht (almost like a big brother, even though he's the 7th prince and Licht is the 6th) and would make him notice how kind he is. Nokto would probably find a way to make her uncomfortable with heavy flirting mixed up with denying but if it repeats, he'll probably just say that he wants to protect the last person he dares to care about. MC would probably see pain and sadness in his gaze and choice of words and kind of like Arthur's route, she'd be drawn to this vulnerable caring side of him and understand the flirting is only a part of Nokto. Drama will happen, and Nokto will have a breakdown, because he got attached to MC and is convinced he won't be able to protect her. It's likely he tries to push you away even more to make you mad and break his own heart before he has to see you die before his eyes too. Due to this bring a heavy and very bottled up trauma, he will be looking very distressed and MC will rather try to soothe him. I do think Nokto might be crying at this moment (the other one I have in mind would be Yves) and both will realize their feelings at this very moment. However Nokto still won't think he can protect you, but maybe Licht would think something like "I can't protect anything by myself but I can help my brother protect what he cares for" and help him, which would easy Nokto into the idea of having to fight. It's also possible Clavis and Chevalier join in, but I'm not too sure about that. In terms of relationship, Nokto would be a super touchy fluffy lover, liking to feel your chest move in rythm with your breath against his chest while hugging you tightly reminds him that you're alive and that he could protect you and he always will no matter how many times he has to. Like Licht, he would be very protective, but he won't become too obsessive if you soothe him back enough and prove him that you won't break in his palm (the fact that he becomes king also helps since you can have personal royal guards). He's a bit more into PDA than his brother and won't mind resting his hand on your hip in public, but your cute facial expressions are for his own pleasure only~

♦

Luke

So Luke is the big brother one (but only for MC) and apparently he's lazy. Like a bear, he's huge but you can bet he would spoon you For his lazy traits, I think it might just be his personality, but I do think his doting comes from his past. A guess would be that he was very fond of his little sister but lost her to another man for arranged marriage. I don't know where or when Ikepri happens but arrange marriage can be planned very early, and this would explain his hate/disinterest for official affairs and his doting (it's like he would try to see his little sister in MC while treating her as such) and the fact that he tries to drag her out of official affairs as well. Like mentioned in his profile, his eyes sometimes look somewhat dark and dull, so I assume this could be when he thinks back about his past. I wouldn't go as far as saying he's a yandere, but he'll definitely try to drag her away from court life (not especially people, not especially violently, he'd just try to not lose her). It's sad, but you will probably get sis-zoned for a nice long time before he realizes that 1. he can't force you to do something you don't want to and 2. he doesn't just love you as a sister. Maybe this realization will make him want to become king with you to not lose you, or maybe he will be needing a little something else to be pushed to do so. In terms of relationship, he'll be doting and have remnants of big brother behavior but he'll finish his light scolding sessions with a big fluffy hug. Jokes on you if you wanted to spoon him. For PDA, I think he'd be pretty much just like hand holding and head pats/hair ruffling.

♦

Sariel

Sariel is known in the court as the "Devil". I would say his role is a mix of Giles (midcind) and Mitsuhide. As the profile says, his past, identify etc is quite of a mystery so I wouldn't get too much into this. Now Sariel expects MC in his profile to kind of suck up to him and do as he pleases while she finds a new king. Whether Sariel is loyal to the princess (you) and the crown or not will determine whether he's simply a shady suitor or the villain of most of the other routes if not all of them (William things hehe). He'll obviously be EXTREMELY shady and will make it very clear that it's best you stay away from what his job entails. However MC will find a way, consciously or not, to get involved way too much in Sariel's affairs (Mitsuhide things haha, he radiates the energy of other chaotic shady suitors only) and he will have to first of all scold her a ton shit and secondly a find a way to get her out of his business. They will probably struggle together their way out of an important job of his and MC will most likely have a good impact on the overall outcome but he'll mostly scold you for getting on the brink of death thanks to what he'll consider a foolish move. As a relationship, once king, I don't think Sariel would go any further than formal hand holding, arm holding and back of the hand kisses. I have a feeling that in private he wouldn't be the touchiest either (I mean he's busy with his shady stuff) but he would definitely pull you into his lap without asking and I could see him stroking your hair while your head rest on his shoulder until he finishes work before carrying you to bed, whether you're asleep or not.

♦

Rio

Rio IS the yandere and it's 100% canon I'm not accepting critiques on this (someone saying "Look only at me, you only have to think about me" screams yandere already, not to talk about my obsession consisting of comparing him with Toneri of Yuroma) and I honestly think it's soooo cool that the yandere is a butler I love it. ANYWAYS. Rio lost his memory 3 years ago (he was already your butler back then) which means his memories only consist of serving you. That said, you're literally his world, his only friend and his master. I think Rio would be scared not only to forget about everything again and see (I assume) you sad again and forget all your smiles he saw for 3 years (I definitely think he's one of those suitors that love you right off the batch but give you the liberty to be happy with whoever), but also lose you as easily as he lost him memories. If he lost you to someone else, either he'd be forced to watch you be happy with another man, or be left behind. As a loyal dog, he would totally hate the later. Now being your love interest's butler is extremely convenient as a yandere. If he doesn't want you to get out of your room he just has to give you some sort of somniferous stuff or lock you in saying you're sick and "My Lady does not wish to receive anyone in her quarters". Butlers not only attend to their master's wishes (he does say that granting your selfish wishes is also his job), but also are their first connection to the outer world. If your butler doesn't come with you outside, he'll at least be there to see you off and the first person waiting for your return. Now I don't know what entails the secret behind his memory loss at all so I'll leave it as it is. I don't think Rio will be as brutal as Toma from Amnesia or anything (Sariel is watching too) and will probably try to convince you that you need to stay in for a while and that he'll look out for you (bonus points if something bad actually happens). I'm actually not sure to what extent Rio would go. Would he harm others ? Just keep them away ? I don't know, but a dog sure knows how to bite to protect its owner. The route will probably follow the classic yandere schematic: everything is fine, he gets really obsessive, you try to push him away, he gets hurt, you explain him that you love him too but you can't stay locked in forever, he eventually chills. As a king, I think he'd take some time to stop being there for his Mistress' every needs but he definitely would in private, he just wouldn't want to embarrass you in public. For PDA, he would also not be too touchy, sticking to basic butler extent touchy, but he'd be extremely cuddly in private, trying to hook up as much time as possible from you. He'd give a lot of little pecks and smol kisses everywhere on your face and neck until you stop working so he can pull you on the bed in his arms for a slower making out session.

♦

THAT'S IT

That took me quite a while, phew ! Sorry if there typos and sorry for the huge length inconsistency !

If you have something to add, especially regarding the ones I didn't write as much, please do say so in comments or in my messages and if it adds something to the analysis (and if you're okay with it) I'll add it with credits !

I'm so excited for Ikepri I hope to be able to play soon but for now it's 3am haha

[kittyanonymity]

A Ladybug in Gotham #1

 Marinette knows no peace 

Ok fuck it, we’re doing it!!! Hang on to your pants guys! <3 Also, just wanna say, I have loved every single Daminette fic I’ve read in this tag. You guys are a bunch of talented folks; I hope you guys like this! Also feel free to send me asks, and ask questions! There are some things that happen in the six months before the trip that I just,,,,,, REALLY did not feel like writing lmao >.> There is an allusion to some heavy stuff, but we won’t be getting into that yet.

Ages are 17-18, and Lila has been back for 4 years by the time they get to Gotham. 

Damian: 18, 19 in a few months ( like august)

Marinette (& crew): 17, (Mari’s b day is actually the month they’re in Gotham, so like april/may-ish??) Also Chloe is already 18

Tim: 22

Jason: 29 

Dick: 35

Bruce: 48

Ao3

Part 1 :HERE: Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Enjoy my dears!! <3 <3

Marinette couldn’t stop the smile on her face as she leaned back in her chair, holding the acceptance paper over her head.

“We did it, Tikki! We got the trip!”

Tikki whizzed around, fluttering in front of her.

“Oh, Marinette, I know you could do it! Madame Bustier will be so happy!” Marinette smiled as her kwami nuzzled her cheek, and the girl laughed, cupping the little god close to her face.

“It’ll be just what I need for inspiration, Tikki! Gotham is beautiful in the spring I hear.” With a jolt, she sat up, her chair creaking under the sudden movement, “I have to go tell maman and papa!”

She left Tikki giggling as she raced downstairs to tell her parents.

It was one of the most exciting days of the last four years, truly.

With the fundraising done ahead of time, all she’d needed to do was write an essay on why her school deserved the trip. Despite how she personally had been treated by her class these last few years, the school still had them actively involved in the community; and while she may not like most of her classmates anymore thanks to Lila, they still took their responsibilities seriously. They had rightfully earned this chance, she thought. As the year rep, she had worked tirelessly with the other classes and their reps to arrange preparations in the event they got it, and Mme. Bustier had publicly assigned her the role of the essay; Lila had not been thrilled about that.

But she’d done it!

They were going to Gotham!

Telling Master Fu abou the possibility went well; her master trusted her judgement, and he understood her desire to go on this trip. To be safe though, he decided to send Kaalki along with her, in the event of an akuma; that way a speedy return was always possible no matter what.

She was excited; but it didn’t change the fact that the trip was still a good six months away, a good end of the year trip before graduation.

‘Just a little longer,’ Marinette thought, a rueful smile on her lips, ‘A little longer, and I’ll finally have a break.’

The four years since Lila’s return had not been kind, or even all that fun. She did her best not to dwell on her emotions, what with a madman running around praying on any and all negative feelings; but she couldn’t deny the apathy she felt at times in regards to her classmates.

Lila had made good on her promise, truly. None of her old friends cared about her anymore, bar Alix and - surprisingly - Chloe. Alya had even hit her before summer break, claiming that Lila had told her Marinette shoved her down the stairs again.

And Marinette had stared right at Adrien, her boyfriend, and he had done nothing.

And she felt nothing when she broke up with him later that same week.

Finding out he was Chat Noir over the summer had been like a slap to the face, and she was just glad he didn’t realize she’d put the pieces together; especially considering how often he visited her balcony as his hero self. He’d always flirt with her as Chat, whether she was Ladybug or Marinette; and at first, she’d almost found it flattering. Then it started to make her uncomfortable.

She’d reject him as Ladybug, only to have him come whine to Marinette while he also made passes at her, showering her in praise, and pushing her to get back with Adrien. She started avoiding her balcony.

It left her stressed and on edge; Adrien only talked to her as Chat now. He wouldn’t risk talking to her at school, and after they broke up, her parents had barred him from the bakery.

But still.

Six months.

Six more months of hell, and she’d be heading to Gotham to destress.

She couldn’t wait.

~~~~~~~~

The flight had been rather dull, despite Chloe being her seatmate for the whole trip; they’d giggled over some awful american movie for the last half, and Madame Bustier had been kind enough to room her with Chloe at their hotel. The Grand Gotham Embassy building was massive, and Marinette couldn’t help but gape in awe.

Chloe snorted as she walked up next to Mari, her own carry on in hand as they stepped off the bus.

“Careful, DC, you’ll catch flies.” Mari snapped her mouth shut, and gave Chloe a flat look; the blonde only laughed, and linked their arms.

“Come on Mari-bear, let’s get our room key so our luggage can be taken up.” Marinette smiled, and nodded.

“Yeah, I wanna get settled in too.” She leaned closer to Chloe as they walked arm in arm into the hotel lobby, heading for Mme. Bustier, “Tikki is starving.” Chloe nodded.

“Pollen is too.” She said just as softly. Marinette saw Alix wave from where she stood talking to Kim and Max, and Mari waved back softly. She averted her eyes the second Max looked at her, and Chloe hurried them away once they had their keys.

Their rooms were breathtaking, honestly. Each of the suites her class was staying in had two rooms, each with their own single bed; there was a shared seating area between the two, and one bathroom, but it still had privacy. They each had a door out onto the connected balcony, and once Marinette sat her carry on bag on her bed, she threw open the balcony door, staring out over the cityscape in wonder. Paris was beautiful, the city of Love; but Gotham was gorgeous this high up.

With a thought of mischief, Marinette scoped out some good swinging spots for later before turning to see the bellhops unloading her bags. She offered them a smile and a sincere thank you as they left. She heard Chloe settling into her room through the door, and smiled as she heard her talking to Pollen. Master Fu had decided to send Pollen along with Chloe in the event that Ladybug had to come to Paris; she could bring another ally with her if needed, without having to search one out. And since Chloé had figured out her identity two years ago, she had been the best bet. Her new hero identity, Hornet, helped.

Tikki flew out of the purse at her side, and smiled.

“We made it, Marinette! We’re finally here! Do you think the Gotham university will be what you want?”

Marinette sighed as she flopped back onto her bed, staring at the ceiling, “I don’t know, Tikki; I hope so. The website was super promising, and the woman I spoke to seemed to think I’d have no problem getting in.”

Tikki hummed as she flew down and dug a cookie from Marinette’s purse, “Well, we’ll be here for a month, so it’s plenty of time to go and see the campus. I think you’ll like it Marinette! And once we defeat Hawkmoth, maybe we can start a new chapter here!” Marinette smiled at Tikki, sitting up.

“I think I like the sound of that. I’m worried about how… Adrien will handle it though.” Her smile fell as soon as it had come, and Tikki frowned as well. She floated over to her chosen and rested her paw on Marinette’s cheek.

“Marinette, his feelings are not your responsibility. You and Adrien broke up, and the fact that he was disrespecting your wishes as his superhero self was a major red flag. I don’t know why you were so upset when the Guardian took his miraculous.”

Marinette groaned, covering her face with her hands, and Tikki wove herself into her long hair, hugging the girl.

“I know he was your partner, Marinette, and you don’t want to replace him; but you have to know, Adrien isn’t the true Black Cat.”

Marinette went still.

“Tikki, what are you talking about?”

Tikki hesitated, before floating in front of Marinette’s face, “Well, for some of the miraculous, there are multiple people who can be Chosen, and some of them are better candidates than others. Adrien was the best option out of the people in Paris, so the Guardian Chose him; but he is not meant to be your Black Cat, he is just A Black Cat.” Marinette stared at her Kwami with wide eyes, slowly processing.

“So… you’re saying he’s not my other half?”Tikki shook her head, “No; and he was never meant to be. His actions have done nothing but prove that. I’m sure once we return to Paris, we’ll be sent to find the real Black Cat.”

And in a moment of clarity, Marinette realized she was out of Paris, far away from Hawkmoth; so when tears rose to her eyes, she let them come. She covered her mouth as she sobbed, and she bent over, resting her elbows on her knees as she breathed.

“Oh, Marinette, don’t cry! Please don’t be sad!” Tikki fluttered around her anxiously as she cried, and after a moment, Marinette laughed; it was a bit raspy, but it was happy. She spared a glance at her, where, in a secret pocket, she had stored Plagg's slumbering miraculous; she looked back at her own kwami.

“Tikki, I’m-I’m not sad, I’m… I’m so relieved.” Her smile was weak, but sincere, “I was terrified that he was an inevitability I’d have to just accept…” Tikki’s frown grew, and she hugged her chosen again, little tears leaking down her face.

“I’m so sorry Marinette, I wish you didn’t have to feel so much negativity all the time.”

A knock at her and Chloe’s shared door cut her off before she could reply, and Marinette looked over in time to see Chloe peek in. The blonde’s eyes grew wide when she saw Mari crying, and she rushed over, sitting on the bed next to her.

“What’s wrong, Mari-bear?”

And Marinette laughed, wrapping her arms around Chloe.

“For once, nothing!” 

Chloe shared a look with Tikki while the kwami spoke with Pollen in hushed tones, but she just hugged her friend closer. They sat in silence for awhile, waiting while Marinette composed herself. With a final sniffle, Marinette leaned back and gave Chloe a grin.

“Since it’s a rest day, do you think they’d let us check out the surrounding boutiques? I wanna see what kind of fashion Gotham has.”

Chloe snorted, but it was in good humor, “Nothing they have here could compare to what you make, Mari-bear, or even what Paris has in general.” With a smile, Chloe reached over and tapped her nose, “But I’m sure Mme. Bustier will allow it as long as you’re with someone as amazing as me.”

Chloe had learned long ago not to pry into Marinette’s business, and since she’d split up with Adrien, Chloe had learned just how true that statement was; learning that the blonde boy was Chat Noir and that he’d been harassing Marinette on her balcony? That had been an accident, though Marinette had been the one to tell her.

Chloe could only watch Marinette flinch away from the Cat hero so much before she’d gotten concerned, and asked for an explanation. And Marinette hadn’t held back; she’d told Chloe everything, from the midnight visits, to how he constantly complained about Ladybug - herself -, and finally to how he flirted with her as Marinette, and kept insinuating that she get back with Adrien.

As the only one who knew, Chloe had doubled down on partnering with Marinette for everything after that; and now that his miraculous had been reclaimed, Chloe wanted to sigh in relief.

If you’d told either girl four years ago that they would be inseparable even at the end of lycée, they would’ve scoffed and told you you were crazy; and yet here they were, Chloe helping Marinette clean up her face before they went to see madame Bustier. It was only around 3 pm in Gotham, and dinner wouldn’t be until 8; and as much as Marinette wanted to enjoy the indoor pool, she would much rather see the city.

Once they were ready, Chloe led them down to the lobby, kwamis secure in their purses, and found Miss Bustier talking with one of the receptionists. Chloe - being, well, Chloe - walked over, and interrupted.

“Mme. Bustier, Mari-bear and I are going to look at the boutiques across the street. Call me if you need us.” And leaving their teacher spluttering and indignant, Chloe led them away, and out the doors. Marinette laughed a bit as they were out of hearing range.

“She’s going to kill you Chloe, you know that?” Chloe smiled while they stood at the crosswalk waiting to cross, and she flipped her blonde bob over her shoulder.

“Please. That woman wishes she could do anything to stop me.” Marinette watched as Chloe’s smile fell, and they walked as the walk sign lit up. “Besides, of course I’m not going to listen to a teacher who has let Lila just do as she pleases. She’s just as complicit in your abuse as the rest of the class is, Mari-bear, and I will not tolerate it. It's utterly ridiculous.”

Marinette felt her heart warm, and her smile softened before she hugged Chloe’s arm closer to her. “Thanks, Chlo. Though you know~” Chloe groaned, knowing where Marinette was going with this, “you also used to torment me pretty relentlessly.”

Chloe levelled her with a flat look as they walked into a store, “Yes, we’ve established that, DC, thank you for reminding me.” Chloe pinched Marinette’s cheek with a grin, “Such a goody goody, you know that?” Marinette laughed, and batted her hand away.

“Come on, let’s see what they’ve got, dork.” She ignored Chloe’s indignant squawk, and laughed as she started looking through the clothes.

Marinette and Chloe talked idly while they browsed, but found nothing of note in the first store other than a cute pair of bulky sneakers that Marinette couldn’t help but buy. Chloe had rolled her eyes and commented on how thin they made her legs look; which of course, made Marinette reveal the inspiration behind the choice. BLACKPINK was a pretty popular K-pop girl group, and Marinette had fallen in love with their style since day one. The baggy pants with big shoes they often used was something Marinette found herself enjoying more than she ever thought she would, but she just hadn’t found the right pair of shoes until now.

The next store was much better, in Chloe’s opinion; Marinette shied away from the Agreste line on display, and followed Chloe over to where her mother’s work was displayed. Audrey was a difficult woman, but neither of them could deny her talent in the industry.

Both girls ended up leaving with something to fit in their wardrobes. Chloe had chosen a deep purple blouse with ruffled sleeves; Marinette had giggled, telling her she reminded her of a witch, but the color was excellent on her. Marinette had gone more simple and fun, opting for a zip up hoodie inspired by one of Gotham’s own heroes, Robin. It may have been spring in Gotham, but being Ladybug, Marinette was very susceptible to the cold; she’d get sluggish and sleepy, and spring in the states was cooler than in France.

By the time they were bored of the shops, it was only five o’ clock. Chloe stifled a yawn, and Marinette looked at her.

“Why don’t you go ahead and head back Chloe? I’m gonna go sit in the park there, and try to design for a bit.” Chloe stared at her for a moment before she looked at the park. It was visible from the front of the hotel, and their hotel was in the better part of the city. Well, all that, and the fact that Marinette was Ladybug...  

Chloe nodded, taking Marinette’s shopping bag for her since the girl had already put on her new hoodie, “That should be ok. But I swear, DC, if something happens, I am not letting you go anywhere alone for the rest of this trip.” Marinette laughed, and waved off her concerns.

“Don’t worry, Chlo, if anything happens, I can handle it.” Feeling playful, Marinette raised her arm, and flexed, “After all, these guns aren’t just for show.”

Listening to Chloe laugh hysterically was always a treat, and it warmed Marinette from her toes to her head every time. In some small way, she was grateful to Lila; if it hadn’t been for her, she and Chloe would’ve probably never become such good friends.

“Ugh, no one likes a show off, Marinette.”

The smile fell from her face instantly, and Chloe’s laughter cut off like someone flipped a switch. Mari turned to see Lila standing behind her with a smug smile, though it had been Alya who spoke, Alya who was glaring at her with disdain. Nino was behind them looking kind of uncomfortable, Adrien next to him, backed up by Rose and Juleka, and even Sabrina. Marinette flinched under the harsh stares, and felt herself shrink as she stepped back, but before she could say anything, Chloe was there, a snarl marring her lips.

“Funny how you say that Cesaire, given who you’re friends with.” She blocked their line of sight to Marinette, though it was only Lila’s and Alya’s, and Marinette could feel Adrien staring at her, “You think what Mari was doing was showing off? Then what do you call Lila bragging about all the fake shit she’s done, huh?” Chloe didn’t even give her time to respond before she scoffed, and rolled her eyes, shutting down Alya's retort, “Oh, wait, nevermind, I forgot. You’re such a terrible reporter you don’t even fact check anymore, my bad.” Chloe smiled at the end, before making a shooing motion with her hand, “Now begone. I don’t appreciate sheep breathing my air.”

Lila turned on the waterworks as Chloe turned away, and gently guided Marinette down the sidewalk to the park they’d been talking about; Alya was shouting after them, but they continued on. Once they were out of sight, Chloe wrapped her friend in a hug, and Marinette cried. It was how it happened every time, for the last three years, since Chloe had decided to stick to the girl’s side. She’d only known about her being Ladybug for two years, but even before then, she’d made efforts to befriend the girl she’d bullied; because Lila was somehow so much worse than even Chloe was, and it was plain for the blonde to see. It had become routine at this point.

Lila and Alya would gang up on Marinette, Chloe would make them back off, and then comfort Marinette. Mari had told her time and time again, she didn’t need to do that, but Chloe knew she did. Chloe had messed up too many times to count, and she knew Marinette still cared about some of their classmates, especially Alix since she was the only other one who would hang out with them.

But Chloe?

Chloe had never cared about sparing people’s feelings until she’d become Marinette’s support. She would tear them down each time they came for her best friend. Alix had told her she was ‘fierce’, and Chloe thought it was an accurate description nowadays. They were nearly adults for crying out loud; you’d think her idiot classmates would’ve caught on to Lila’s lies by now.

“Are you ok?” Chloe asked softly. She rubbed soothing circles into Marinette’s back as the girl calmed down, her cries giving way to sniffles. Marinette nodded, pulling back and wiping her eyes.

“I-I think so. Thanks Chloe. It feels… It actually feels so much better to just let it out, and not have to worry about getting akumatized.” Chloe nodded, brushing some hair out of Marinette’s face.

“Good. Cesaire is lucky I didn’t deck her. Like, seriously, what a hypocrite.” Chloe was fuming, but she softened when Marinette laughed, “Do you still wanna sit in here and try to design?”

Marinette cleared her throat, and nodded, “Yeah, I do. It’ll be nice, I think.” She rubbed at her face some more, wiping the moisture away, but her red eyes remained. “I just want to decompress for a bit, you know?”

Chloe nodded, “Ok, then I’m gonna go ahead and go back to our room.” She gave her friend a severe look, “And I’m serious, Marinette. If anything happens, you call or text me, ok?”

Marinette rolled her eyes, but smiled, “Chloe you’re not my bodyguard, you know that right?”

Chloe scoffed, “Bullshit, I am so. And I am totally the best at it, by the way.”

Marinette hugged Chloe tight, startling the other girl, “Thanks, Chlo. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Chloe’s mind flashed back to a dark night on the Seine from three years ago; of tears, and horrible wishes, and she wraps her arms around Marinette in a tighter embrace.

“Probably get lost, and then kidnapped, honestly. Your sense of direction is awful, Mari-bear.”

It worked, sparking another laugh out of her best friend, and Chloe wanted to sigh in relief.

“Now go and find yourself a nice spot to sit. I’m going to make sure Lie-la and her little goonies are gone.” Marinette nodded as they separated, and Chloe booped her on the nose, “I’ll see you back at the room, DC.”

With that, Chloe waved and walked back towards the entrance of the park. She needed to talk to Alix. Lila always planned something big when Chloe defended Mari, and she was sure this time would be no different. She needed to be ready.

And without the risk of being akumatized?

Well.

Chloe couldn’t help but laugh.

Lila wouldn’t know what hit her.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette found a soft patch of grass in the sun behind a wall of bushes, and sighed as she sat her purse on the ground, and flopped down. She could hear the rush of cars on the street over, and sirens in the far distance; there were birds singing in the trees around her, and children laughing over at the playground she’d passed. It was peaceful.

“Marinette? Are you ok?”

She smiled as Tikki nestled into her long hair, offering her comfort.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m ok Tikki. I just wish they’d stop. It’s lessened since Chloe became my friend, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts. Hearing Alya say such awful things to me, even now…” Marinette sighed, feeling her eyes tear up; nope, she was done for today, she could cry again tomorrow, “It still feels like a knife in my lungs.”

And she knew what that felt like; Sharpener had been an akuma from two years ago. She was a chef who’d gotten akumatized because her coworker had broken her best knife out of jealousy. Chat Noir had been distracted during the fight, and Ladybug had missed the akuma’s approach, taking the knife right between her ribs. Her Miraculous Cure had healed her, but Marinette still remembered the pain quite vividly.

She’d almost been akumatized after the fight was over, having been sent into a panic attack.

Shaking herself out of it, Marinette reached over into her purse and pulled out her sketchbook. She’d upgraded from her little clasp bag that she’d made to something with a bit more utility. It was a lavender shoulder bag with a cross strap, and it was large enough to hold her sketchpad, and a few other essentials while leaving plenty of room for Tikki and Kaalki, along with the pocket for Plagg's miraculous box.

“Marinette, I know their treatment of you still hurts. I’d be more worried if it didn’t. But remember,” And Marinette looked at Tikki, surprised to see the bright smile on the kwami’s face, “you’re Ladybug, with or without the mask, and if they can’t see how sincere and kind you are, then they never deserved you in the first place.” Tikki flew forward, and hugged Marinette’s cheek, “You’re  the best Ladybug I’ve ever had, and you mean so much to me. I hate seeing people hurt you, and I’m sorry I can’t do more for you, Marinette.”

“Tikki’s right, Marinette.” Mari glanced down to see Kaalki poking her head out of the purse, a smile on her face, “You’re an excellent Ladybug, and you’ll be an excellent Guardian one day, we all know it.”

Mari smiled, reaching down and rubbing Kaalki’s head gently, “Thanks Kaalki, thank you Tikki. I love you guys. You hungry?” Both kwamis said yes, and so Marinette handed Tikki a couple cookies, while Kaalki dove into the small pile of sugar cubes Marinette gave her. Tikki and Kaalki conversed quietly in her purse, and Marinette finally turned her attention to her sketchbook.

Humming to herself, Marinette drifted off as her pencil danced across the paper. It was easy to get lost in the sounds of the park around her, and she was thrilled with what she was coming up with. Already, dresses and casual clothes filled the next few pages of her book as she worked. She was just about to ask Tikki something when an explosion rocked the earth.

Marinette yelped as the ground beneath her rumbled, and Tikki burrowed into her hair in a panic.

“What was that, Marinette?!” Marinette shook her head, getting to her feet, and putting her bag over her shoulder, reaching in, and patting Kaalki in reassurance. She crawled to the edge of the bush where all the commotion had originated from, and peeked out carefully. Most of the people were gone, but she could still hear crying somewhere.

Then the laughter started.

Marinette felt a chill go down her spine. While her and the other reps of the school had been planning this trip, she had researched about every danger Gotham had to offer, looking at pictures, reading articles, and watching as many videos as she could find; she knew that laugh now.

She was just about to hide again, when she saw the source of the crying. A little girl with dark hair sat in the dirt behind a trash can, holding her hands to her eyes while she sobbed. Mind made up, Marinette dashed from the bushes, keeping low until she reached the child. She wrapped her arms around her, and when the girl tensed, she smiled gently.

“Shhh, it’s ok, honey, I’ve got you. Where’s your parents?” The little girl shook her head, tiny hands clutching Marinette’s jacket.

“N-not- h-here! B-babysitter left m-me…!” Another sob wracked the little girl’s frame, and Marinette hugged her tighter at the sound of gunfire. She needed to get out of here, get this girl to safety, but she couldn’t transform. Idly, Marinette toyed with the metal yo-yo in her purse, a gift from Master Fu that could help her fight as a civilian. She could do this.

Focusing back on the girl, Marinette pulled her back until they could look at each other; the girl’s eyes were a vibrant green, almost neon even.

“My name’s Marinette, what’s yours sweetheart?” The girl caught her breath long enough to answer, wiping at her face.

“M-Mar’i Grayson, miss.” Marinette nodded, looking at the girl in reassurance.

“I’m going to get you out of here. Let me check the area, ok? Stay behind me.” Mar’i nodded, clutching the sleeve of Marinette’s hoodie, while she leaned out around the trash can to observe their surroundings; and she promptly cursed her rotten luck.

Joker was strolling through the park with about three henchmen around him; 4 on 1 odds were not in her favor, especially with Mar’i. Marinette glanced at the little girl who was crying silently next to her, trying to not think about how much worse Joker looked in real life. Marinette found she was terrified.

No. 

She had to do something. She was Ladybug, with or without her damn mask, and she was going to protect this little girl with her life.

Marinette took a deep breath, and braced herself, “Mar’i.” The little girl looked at her with wide eyes, and Marinette smiled.

“Stay behind me, ok?” She waited until Mar’i nodded, and then they waited; and Marinette listened.

“Can’t seem to find her boss. She must’ve gotten out.”

“Oh hogwash! I saw that babysitter of hers scamper out of here without the brat, so Grayson’s daughter is here somewhere!”

Oh my god.

They were after Mar’i? Why?

‘Doesn’t matter, not gonna get her.’ Marinette thought aggressively. So she calmed herself, and she listened, and she waited until they were in range. And once they were, Marinette moved.

Leaping up out of her crouch, Marinette moved Mar’i behind her right as the group turned to look at them; but Marinette was already grabbing the trash can with both hands, and hurling it at the goons and their boss. It had the desired effect, and the group scattered, but it managed to take down two of Joker’s men, knocking one out from the sheer force while the other lost the grip on his gun, losing it in the bushes. Moving quickly, Marinette swiped Mar’i up with her free hand while she retrieved the carbon fiber yo-yo from her purse with her other.

Whipping it forward, Marinette snagged the gun of the third minion, yanking it away and to her; and then she ran.

“She’s got the brat! Get after her, you idiots!”

Marinette sprinted for the entrance of the park after throwing the gun away, running as fast as her legs could carry her; which admittedly, was quite fast. Years of being bonded with Tikki, plus the extra training she’d picked up in her free time made her formidable even out of her suit; and she was not about to let that clown get his filthy hands on this precious girl.

Marinette yelped as a bullet impacted the dirt next to her feet, and then she was bobbing and weaving, dodging bullets before she ducked behind the bathrooms.

“Get the kid, damnit! God, why are you all so useless!”

Marinette looked down at Mar’i, expecting the girl to still be terrified, but she was staring up at Marinette in awe.

“Wow, Miss Marinette, you’re like a superhero!” She said softly, and Marinette flushed, but gave the girl a small smile.

“You’re very brave Mar’i, but we’re not safe yet.” She could hear footsteps coming closer, light, matching the gait she’d heard from the Joker just moments earlier. With a small huff, she wrapped Mar’i around her again, and readied her yo-yo as she ran the opposite way. She stopped short for a moment as she came face to face with the other henchman, but thinking quickly, Marinette ducked his wide swing, and brought her head upwards into his chin, knocking him back and off balance; following up with a quick swipe at his legs, he hit the ground, and Marinette was running again.

‘Almost there, so close…’ “Merde.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but seeing Joker grinning at her from the entrance did not instill much hope in her. He tapped the barrel of his six shooter against the palm of his hand, watching her. Marinette sat Mar’i down, and pushed her behind her further, grip on her yo-yo tight.

“Now, now, little lady, we don’t have to fight. If you’d just hand that little girl there over, I’ll let you leave. With a smile even!” The grin on his face told her he was lying, even though his laughter was a clue in and of itself.

Marinette’s eyes narrowed, and she lowered her chin, “That’s not happening, clown. Step aside.” Joker’s eyebrows flew up, and he began laughing; Marinette hated that sound.

“She’s got some fight in her then! How interesting! And a foreigner too? So fearless!” Marinette let the yo-yo swing from her hand, swinging next to her leg, as he pointed the gun at her. She felt Mar’i grip her pants tighter with a small gasp. Joker’s grin grew, “But are you so willing to die for her?”

Marinette snarled, “Of course I am!”

The lack of hesitation made the Joker pause long enough for Marinette to make her move.

With a precision that startled even her, Marinette flung her yo-yo out again, managing to grab the Joker’s gun this time, and yanking it from him. It careened away into the brush, and Marinette snapped her yo-yo back with a trained hand; just in time to see a man dressed in black land on him from above.

Holy shit.

That’s Batman.

Shaking herself off, Marinette turned and picked Mar’i up, running the other direction; no child should see a fight like that. She had to get her to safety, to her parents, or the police, someone safe. The bathrooms? No, she’d left that goon over there, and she wasn’t sure if he was down and out or not.

“Think, Marinette, think, come on!” There had to be another exit in this park, away from the chaos of the main path; big parks always had multiple entrances and exits.

“Go that way Miss Marinette!” Marinette looked to where Mar’i pointed, and followed the girls directions. Flashing red and blue lights lit up the street, and Marinette could’ve cried with relief at the sight of the police officers.

An auburn haired woman was standing at the front of the police line, looking around in a panic, and the second her eyes landed on Marinette carrying Mar’i, she rushed forward.

“Mar’i, oh my god, baby girl, you’re ok!” The woman was crying, and Mar’i smiled, reaching for the woman.

“Auntie Barb!” Knowing Mar’i knew this woman, Marinette allowed the girl to be taken from her arms delicately, but she lingered by them. An older mustached man walked up, and held out his hand to Marinette, startling her.

“Thank you for getting her out of there. What’s your name?” Marinette flushed, reaching out and shaking his hand.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, sir. Please don’t thank me. I couldn’t have left her in there. Not with him.”

“I’m Commissioner Gordon. You don’t sound like you’re from around here, Miss Dupain-Cheng.” Marinette shook her head as she stepped back from him.

“No, sir; I’m from Paris. My school is here on a field trip.” The commissioner nodded.

“You’re the school Bruce Wayne sponsored.” Marinette offered him a tired smile.

“Yes, sir.”

“Miss Marinette!”

Marinette turned in time to feel tiny arms wrap around her legs, and she looked down to see Mar’i smiling at her, despite the tears on her face. Marinette crouched down to her level, and blinked when Mar’i wrapped her arms around her neck; she was quick to return the hug, even as she saw ‘Auntie Barb’ walk over.

“Thank you for saving me, Miss Marinette! You were really cool!” Marinette’s smile was small as she squeezed the little girl tight.

“Oh little one, you don’t have to thank me. I would do it again and again if need be.” She hummed contemplatively, “Though I think I’ll talk to your mama or papa about that babysitter; who leaves a little girl alone in this city?”

‘Auntie Barb’ scoffed, “When Dick hears about that, he’s gonna lose it.”

“Mar’i!”

Marinette looked over in time to see the police part like the red sea, and she was treated to seeing nearly the entire Bat pack escort a dishevelled looking dark haired man through the crowd. Mar’i broke away from her to run to the new arrival.

“Daddy!”

And Marinette smiled as she stood up, watching the two hug. Her father was patting her down, holding her close by the head, obvious relief in his eyes. It was a beautifully heart wrenching thing.

“Miss.”

Marinette jumped, looking to the side to see Batman staring down at her. She yelped, flushing.

“Y-yes, sir?”

My god, this man was intimidating! Was he going to lecture her? Bar her from the country??! Oh no, what if-?!

....Why was he holding his hand out?

Marinette blinked stupidly before she took his hand and shook it.

“What you did tonight was very admirable. You put yourself at great personal risk to protect the life of a child you’d never met, and managed to thwart a kidnapping by one of the most dangerous men in the city. You have my respect.”

Marinette’s cheeks grew more red, “Please, I-I’d do it all again, you don’t have to say any of that. It was the right thing to do; anyone would’ve done it.” Batman simply shook his head.

“No, Miss Dupain-Cheng, they wouldn’t. I’d like to get a statement from you, if you’d allow it.”

“Before that...”

Marinette and Batman both looked over, and she was surprised to see Mar’i’s father next to her. He gave her a smile.

“I would like to thank you for rescuing my darling, Miss… Marinette, was it?” Marinette nodded, fiddling with her hands; her anxiety was starting to peak with this many people. “If anything had happened to Mar’i, I… I don’t know what I would’ve done. Thank you. From the absolute depths of my heart, thank you for protecting my little girl.”

Marinette’s face grew impossibly redder, “Y-you’re welcome! It was no problem! She’s a wonderful girl.” She smiled at Mar’i as she sat in her dad’s arms. Shifting the girl to one arm, he held out his free hand.

“My name is Dick Grayson. I hope to see you again, but for now, I need to get Mar’i home before her mother gets any more anxious.” Marinette nodded as they shook hands.

“If I may, mister Grayson?” The man smiled, and despite the situation, it was shockingly cheery.

“Please, call me Dick.”

‘Auntie Barb’ snorted in amusement somewhere next to Marinette, but she tuned it out.

“Please speak to whoever was babysitting Mar’i today; they left her behind.”

Dick stared at her for a moment, maybe processing, before he nodded, a steely look in his eyes.

“Thank you for telling me, Marinette. We’ll take care of it.” Marinette smiled, before she dug around in her purse, and pulled out one of the many cookies she had for Tikki; she handed it over to Mar’i who took it with a smile of her own.

“You be safe, ok?” Mar’i nodded, giving her a bigger smile.

“I will! You’re the best, Miss ‘Nette!” Smiling at the nickname, Marinette waved to the little girl as the police escorted the family away; she realized Batman was still next to her, and snapped her attention back to him.

“S-sorry, sir. I’ll give you that statement now.”

The man seemed less intimidating for some reason, like he was quietly amused.

“You’re surprisingly humble in the face of all this, Marinette.”

‘Calm down, calm down, you’re fine.’ She thought, gripping her bag.

“I didn’t do this for attention, sir. I’m… not exactly comfortable being in the spotlight like this.”

The masked man nodded in understanding, and once he was ready, Marinette began her retelling of what had happened.

Distinctly unaware of the several pairs of ears listening in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Holy shit, you’re telling me pixie stick here threw a metal trash can at Joker?! Like a full on throw?!” Red Hood wasn’t buying it. The girl was so tiny, despite the toned muscles of her legs; she looked like she weighed ninety pounds soaking wet!

“That’s what the cameras in the park are showing, Hood.” He heard Red Robin typing away at something, before- “Holy shit.” Hood stood back by the police, flanked by Robin, and he turned his attention back to his comm line.

“What is it, Red?”

“That girl took them down with a fucking yo-yo, Hood. What the hell?”

The comm fell silent again before Jason heard all the air whoosh out of Tim over the line.

“Red? What now?”

“The… The audio. Hood, she was fully prepared to lay down her life for Mar’i. You can hear it in her voice; it’s like she’s a completely different person to who Bats is talking to.”

Damian’s eyes narrowed behind his mask as he frowned; he didn’t like the sound of that. Red Hood noticed the change in his brother’s demeanor, frowning to himself.

“What do you mean, Red?” He asked, and he heard Tim sigh.

“Look, just… wait till you get back, and I’ll show you. That girl’s good though; she’s got guts.”

A shrill call of the girls name had Jason turning, just in time to see a blonde girl tackle Marinette. She was speaking rapidly in French, checking her friend over thoroughly before she turned sharp eyes on Batman. Jason couldn’t help but grin as he watched Bruce’s eyes widen behind the mask, his eyebrows raising a little as the blonde started on a tirade.

Red Hood snickered, “Now this is funny.” He watched his father get berated by the blonde before she started guiding Marinette away; the poor dark haired girl was red all the way to her ears in embarrassment.

“Find something funny, Hood?” Jason looked at Batman as he walked over, and wished his old man could see the shit eating grin on his face.

“Course I did. It’s not everyday I get to watch a teenager yell at you.”  Next to him, Robin snorted. Hood and Robin waited until Bats had given Gordon the girl’s statement before the three of them left as one.

They met on a nearby rooftop, far enough away from the scene to be able to talk freely. Batman turned his comm back on, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Red, what do you have on her?” There was a sigh over the line.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng, 17, nearly 18; she’s in her last year of lycée at Francoise Dupont in Paris. She’s the one who put together the essay that won her school the trip to Gotham. Her parents own a bakery, but her mother has a vast history in martial arts it looks like. Her grades are excellent, and I’ve found records of literally so many charities I’m not gonna bother listing them.” Bruce could almost hear Tim shrug, “She’s clean, Bats.”

Damian rolled his eyes, “You said she took them down with a yo-yo, Red. That’s not a standard weapon.”

“There’s records of her enrolling in gymnastics several years back; it’s probably a skill she picked up back then; maybe from the ribbon dancing? I’ll see if I can find anything else.”

“Red, just remember,” Everyone paused at the tone of Bruce’s voice, “This is not a malicious search; she saved Mar’i’s life; I don’t want to make problems for the girl.”

“Got it, Bats.”

Batman turned to Robin, and Damian sighed.

“Let me guess, stake out her hotel, make sure she stays safe?”

Batman nodded, “She managed to stall Joker and his goons long enough for us to get there, and she put her life on the line for Mar’i. The story’s already broke the news, along with her face and name. Harley and Ivy won’t give us any problems with this, but Joker has been working on something with Scarecrow for the last couple of months, and I don’t think he’s going to appreciate the hiccup in their plan.” Damian sighed, while Jason cackled, elbowing him in the ribs.

“Oh wah, Demon spawn, you get to go protect a cute girl for awhile; who knows, maybe you’ll get a date.”

Tim snorted over the comm line before he started laughing, and Damian flushed, his cheeks pinkening a bit.

“Go die, Hood.”

“Already did that, thanks, but no.”

With one last glare sent Jason’s way, Robin walked over to the edge of the building, preparing to make his way back to the hotel they’d seen the girl enter; then Jason just had to speak again.

“Oh yeah, did you see she was wearing your merch?”

Father probably wouldn’t let him kill Jason, right?

….

It didn’t stop him from trying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh my god, Mari, you made it onto the news!” Chloe laughed as she lowered the volume on the broadcast. The cameraman had gotten a good shot of when Marinette had sprinted out of the park, and as she was speaking to the various people who had come up to her; though they mostly replayed her shaking Batman’s hand as he spoke to her.

“Tonight, the attempted kidnapping of Bruce Wayne’s granddaughter was thwarted by a passing teenager from Paris by the name of Marinette Dupain-Cheng, who managed to stall the Joker until Batman could arrive, while protecting miss Mar’i Grayson. This is not the first time the Joker has gone after a member of the Wayne family…”

Marinette groaned and flopped on the couch, covering her eyes with her hands.

“God, turn it off please, Chlo. It was mortifying explaining this to Mme. Bustier without having to hear more of it.” Chloe rolled her eyes, but turned it off anyway. They were lounging in the shared space of their suite, curtains thrown wide to provide a good view of the skyline as the sun set. Tikki, Pollen, and Kaalki were all sitting on the coffee table munching on their respective treats. Tikki flew up, hovering over Marinette where she lay on the couch.

“You were amazing Marinette! I was blown away!” Kaalki nodded as she swallowed a sugar cube, and then her face widened into a grin.

“That’s right, Mari! Your civilian side is super strong just like Ladybug is!” Marinette moved her hands, offering both kwami a smile.

“Thanks you two.” Chloe rolled her eyes, and plopped harshly on the couch next to Marinette.

“I’m glad you’re ok, Mari-bear. I wish I could’ve seen you in action.”

Marinette thought back to how she felt when she heard the Joker laugh, when he was pointing that gun at her. Knowing that without her, Mar’i could be killed, or worse yet.

“Chloe, I’m sorry, but I’m… I’m so glad you weren’t there.” She wasn’t going to cry again, damnit, she was nearly eighteen, but she still felt her throat close up at the force of her emotions, “The Joker is nothing like Hawkmoth, Chlo; he’s not even like the akuma we deal with. He’s in a category far removed from us. I got in a lucky shot because he hesitated.”

Chloe raised an eyebrow, and turned herself on the couch so she was facing Marinette, “What do you mean, Mari?”

Mari swallowed as she sat up, turning herself to the side so she was mostly facing Chloe as well.

“He… He asked me if I was so willing to die for her. And I didn’t even hesitate. I think it threw him off, because he just stared at me; it gave me the opening I needed to use my yo-yo.” She was starting to tremble, Chloe noticed, “I… I was so scared, Chloe. He was after that little girl. I couldn’t let him get his hands on her, I’ve heard about the things he’s done, and I couldn’t let that happen to a child.”

Chloe reached over, and gripped Marinette’s hand in hers, a look of concern on her face.

“That’s not all of it though... is it?”

Marinette shook her head, “I… I was so ready, Chloe; to accept that I was going to die. I forgot that I wanted to live until I saw that opening.” Marinette soon found herself buried in the cloth of Chloe’s sleep top, and she felt the hugs of the three kwamis too.

“Take a deep breath, Mari. You’re here. You lived, and so did the little girl. You did amazing, but not even you can be strong all the time. You can be upset while you’re here, Hawkmoth can’t get us.” Chloe tightened her hold on the girl as she finally cried her heart out; she’d been fighting it so much, for so many years. There was just... so much she’d repressed.

And Chloe held her through all of it.

~~~~~~~~~

Robin was many things. To his brothers, a nuisance, demon spawn Jason called him; to Gotham, he was the stoic boy wonder, both in costume and out. Damian Wayne was generally a cold young man, uncaring for most of the people outside of his own family for a long time. Yes, he cared about the innocents of Gotham as Robin, but as Damian? That was more difficult.

Yet as he sat concealed on the roof across from this girl’s - Marinette’s - hotel room, he felt an odd kind of weight settle in his gut. He couldn’t really read lips or hear anything from this distance, but he could tell she was crying. For some reason, it discomfited him. It was like a longing he'd never felt before, and it was very unusual for him.

And that wasn’t even mentioning the three strange creatures that were flying about the room.

This girl was… odd. Tim had said she was nearly eighteen, so she wasn’t much younger than him, but she was so… expressive. When she’d been talking to Batman, she’d clearly been anxious, but Damian had noticed her constantly sneaking glances towards Mar’i; like she was taking precautions. The girl obviously knew how to fight, as she’d been able to take down Joker’s thugs without taking a single hit.

That was honestly the weirdest part, he thought.

She’d come out without a scratch on her or Mar’i, both of them completely unscathed.

And then Tim had sent him the video he’d grabbed from the cameras, and Damian still couldn’t get it out of his head.

“She’s got some fight in her then! How interesting! And a foreigner too? So fearless!” Marinette let the yo-yo swing from her hand, swinging next to her leg, as he pointed the gun at her. She felt Mar’i grip her pants tighter with a small gasp. Joker’s grin grew, “But are you so willing to die for her?”

Marinette snarled, “Of course I am!”

When Tim had said it was like she was two different people, he hadn’t been kidding; and though at first, Damian had felt suspicious, now that he was observing her more naturally, it was rather obvious that the young woman had some self esteem issues. He’d seen the confidence in her during the video, but around so many people, it had gone out as easily as a candle. Which honestly, was a true shame.

Damian watched as another girl was let into the room by the blonde; this one had short, cropped pink hair. She looked like she’d get along with Beast Boy pretty well, a thought that made him grimace. The pink one crouched in front of Marinette, and even as far away as he was, he could see the concern on her face as her friends talked her through what he guessed may be a panic attack; but he had noticed that once the new girl had come, the three floating… things had scampered away, and out of sight. So she was keeping secrets then.

He sat there for a couple hours, watching the three girls as they spoke, and finally Marinette calmed down. He was just about to settle in for more observations when he noticed a shadow drop onto Marinette’s side of the balcony; before he could move though, he heard another body land behind him, and Damian came up swinging.

“Whoa there, demon spawn, it’s just us.” Jason dodged his hit gracefully, and Damian snarled.

“Damnit, Hood, don’t sneak up on me. And who’s on her balcony?” Jason sat on the edge of the building Damian had once occupied, and nodded towards the hotel.

“Don’t worry, it’s just Red. He’s setting up a listening device since we knew you wouldn’t be able to hear anything; Grayson is wanting us to take no chances with her safety.” Damian couldn’t fault his older brother’s logic; the girl had saved his daughter. Soon, Red Robin landed beside them, and took up a seat, pulling a speaker from his belt. Damian raised an eyebrow.

“Why the listening device now?” Tim shrugged, accepting the bag of chips Jason handed him.

“Bruce wanted to know if she’d tell anyone how she took the Joker down. We found a couple leads, but we don’t wanna push her too far.” Damian thought back to the three creatures he’d witnessed, but decided that was not his business to share. Besides, if his brothers lingered long enough, they’d see them themselves. So with a sigh, Damian sat back down next to Red Robin, and grabbed a handful of chips.

And they listened.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I CANNOT BELIEVE that asshole!” Alix shouted as she paced the floor. She whirled back to face Chloe, who had one of her arms around Marinette as the girl leaned into her, “You’re telling me Agreste and you dated for two FUCKING YEARS and he wouldn’t even let anyone know!!? What the FUCK!” Marinette nodded, while Chloe frowned.

“Keep your voice down, Alix, we’re not telling you so you can tell the whole hotel.” Chloe said while she rubbed Mari’s arm in comfort. Marinette sighed, looking up at Alix.

“He… He didn’t want anyone to know because his father had told him to make sure he kept Lila happy in class. Chloe knew, she was the only one I told. He-It-I mean, it was fine for awhile-.” Alix crouched in front of Marinette’s knees, and took hold of her hands, giving her a compassionate, but serious look.

“Marinette, no,” She said, “It’s not fine. For two years, he let Lila hang off of him, kiss him, and generally torture you during school, only to, what? Come and comfort you afterwards?” Hesitantly, Marinette nodded, and Alix swore steam was going to come out of her ears. “Marinette, when someone loves you, they love you all the time, not just when it’s convenient for them.” Alix managed a rueful smile, “It’s too bad you’re straight, or I’d totally take you out and show you how you deserve to be treated.” It worked, and Alix smiled as Marinette laughed, rubbing at her eyes. Chloe scoffed.

“Get in line, Alix; if any woman is taking my Mari-bear out, it’ll be me, thank you.” Alix gave her a grin, winking at the blonde and Chloe laughed.

“You can come too, Chlo. We’ll take our girl out and treat her special.” Alix looked back at Mari who was still laughing, and Alix softened a bit, “I know there are things you still can’t tell me, DC, and that’s ok. I’ve nearly got Kim and Max seeing reason finally. It’s gotten easier now that I just google whatever Lila says, and show it to them.” Her grin was bitter as she shook her smartphone for emphasis, “I’m sorry for how everyone’s been treating you these last few years. It’s like they’re just letting themselves be blinded by that little skank.” Alix wouldn’t lie, she was furious with the rest of their class for just letting these things happen; it was a testament to how exhausted Mari was that she didn’t even reprimand Alix on her words.

Marinette squeezed Alix’s hands, and she looked up at her. Marinette gave her a smile.

“Thank you Alix, but you don’t have to, you know. We’re almost done with school, and then we’ll be off to university. It doesn’t matter that much anymore.” Alix frowned.

“Marinette, you deserve to have the truth known. I don’t really care if they wanted to go their whole lives believing that witch, but it’s hurting you. You were always there for us, hell, you still keep spare clothes for all of them in case they need them! You deserve to have your good name cleared.”

Marinette smiled, but it was sad, and Alix wanted to rage against the world at the sight of it; her friend deserved nothing but the best, and she had been treated so poorly for so long. Alix had learned it didn’t matter if you spoke out, told Lila and Alya what they were doing was wrong; telling Madame Bustier didn’t do anything. Everyone just ignored it, unless they were actively participating.

“Alix, I have you and Chloe, and yeah, it would be nice to be friends with Kim and Max again; but I’m used to this by now. It’s… It’s been 4 years, and while the first one was… rocky, to say the least…” Marinette shared a grimace with Chloe, whose frown deepened at the memory, before she looked back at Alix, “I’ve gotten stronger for it. And if it hadn’t been for Lila, Chloe and I may never have become such good friends, and for that alone, I’m grateful to her.”

Alix grit her teeth as tears welled in her eyes, “But Mari! Alya has hit you! Adrien did nothing! They’ve ruined your sketchbooks, trashed your site, and tried to sabotage your university applications! How could you possibly be ok with any of that?!” Alix was surprised when Marinette’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m not, Alix. It hurt every single time. But what’s done is done, there’s no changing that, and there’s no going back. I can only keep moving forward.” Marinette sighed, giving her a pleased smile, “And I’m not alone, I never am. I have two of the most amazing, trustworthy friends I could ever have at my side, and an invitation to see one of Gotham’s most outstanding universities. Things haven’t been good, or fun, but they won’t stay that way.”

Alix stared at her in shock, and the tears rolled down her face while she hung her head, “We don’t deserve you, Marinette… I’m sorry.” Marinette pulled her up to the couch, and pulled her closer to herself and Chloe.

“Don’t be sorry, Alix. You and Chloe have stuck with me through it all; you’ve spoken out against Lila to defend me countless times. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”

Next to her, Chloe snorted, “Except for that t shirt, oh my god, where did you even find that horrendous thing?” Alix laughed, and gave Chloe the finger, which caused the blonde to huff.

“Rude.” But Chloe was smiling, and Marinette finally felt peace settle in her heart. Soon, she’d be gone from Lila for good, and everything would be nothing more than just a distant memory. She was fine; she was in a much better place than she used to be, even with her small slip up tonight in the park.

They were going to be ok.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t know french, what are they saying?”

Damian had a scowl on his face as they listened, but Jason had noticed how Tim had frozen; his two brothers were the ones who spoke french, damnit, why weren’t they translating? Finally Tim moved, and he buried his face in his hands.

“We shouldn’t have heard this…” Tim said softly, and now Hood was looking between the hotel, and Red Robin in concern. With a sigh, Tim raised his head, staring at the girls in the hotel room who were laughing now. “From what I can infer based on their conversation, Marinette is being bullied, and ignored by most of her class. Based on what these girls are saying, two girls, Lila and Alya, have been terrorizing her in class for - four years, I think they said? Not even her boyfriend would let anyone know they were dating, and he just stood by when this Alya girl hit her.”

Damian’s scowl deepened, and his hands clenched at his side, but Tim wasn’t done.

“And he’d go and comfort her after school, but the only one who knew is the blonde one there, Chloe. Apparently he’d let this Lila girl hang on him during school, and kiss him and junk. These girls have shredded her sketchbooks, trashed her site - whatever that means-, and tried to sabotage her university applications.”

Jason whistled low, “Damn, that’s harsh.” Hood frowned as he looked at the girls having a good time despite the heavy conversation they’d just had. She didn’t seem like the type of girl who deserved all that animosity. “How are we gonna help then, Red?”

The three of them paused as their comms crackled to life, and Bruce’s voice came over the line.

“I’ll take care of it. Come on home; Nightwing will take watch the rest of the night.” Damian watched as Chloe whacked Alix with one of the couch cushions, and an all out war broke out between the girls.

Next to him, Tim sighed, “Got it, Bats. Coming home.”

Jason turned first, and Tim lingered for a moment longer, but Damian was still staring at the girl. She was laughing as she beat her friend over the head with a pillow, the pink one - Alix - retaliating instantly. She looked… happy.

“Robin? You coming?” Damian nodded, and finally he turned away.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

@uGH_WHYME

OH MY GOD GUYS did you see the girl on the news???                                Looks like there could be a new Wayne! #onlyinGotham

#darkhair #blueeyes #mustbeaWayne #gothamites

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holy shit, and that is chapter one y’all! Just a quick rundown on a couple things. Chloe and Alix are gonna be hella gay, and I can’t wait for you guys to find out who their GFs are gonna be >:3 It’s gonna be GREAT. There will be some minor Adrien bashing, but he will ultimately learn from his fuck ups; mostly cause I love my dumb ass boy, but BOI is he dumb sometimes. Alya bashing will hopefully be minimal cause I DO love her to death.

Also, Chloe is totally getting/got the redemption she deserved GDI. Zagg can shove that S3 finale right where the sun don’t shine. Oh, did I mention there will be salt??? Like TONS OF SALT probably. Also, I probably won’t post super often on tumblr; I’m primarily use Ao3, so things may end up going up faster over there. 

Hope you guys liked it! <3

Part 1 :HERE: Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

[magioftheseas]

The Hinata/Kamukura Files - Recent Patients’ Thoughts

Written for @the-hinata-project

Day 6: Heterochromia/Hope Arc Hinata/Kamukura -or- Boats/BBQ/Friendship

Rating: PG

Warnings: There’s some references to past despair but it’s mild.

Notes: I was going to do all the sdr2 kids but decided to stop with all the ones who died in the simulation. The survivors will get their day tomorrow. For now, I didn’t want this one significantly longer than the others. It’s still pretty long though. It’s really hard to write in all the different voices but I did my best and I hope this counts for something.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

It’s funny, for a boy who thought nothing of himself to mean the world to everyone else. You don’t believe me? I’m not terribly good at words, so I’ll pass on the torch in this case.

--

Hinata Hajime is someone who I suppose I envied. A person who accepted himself even after desiring to be someone else for so long.

“It’s because what I have is more precious than talent,” he said. When he had supposedly been chasing talent all his life.

I envied that—perhaps I also sensed it. He’s definitely a person that can be trusted in spite of his mysteries. His identity not quite being as set in stone as it should be.

I understand that, likely better than anyone. That’s why I—well.

It’s why we are friends, I suppose.

--

Hinata-kun’s perfect and delectable in many, many ways! Fine personality, fine face, finer a—

Cough. Cough. It seems I’ve been struck.

More seriously I suppose, Hinata-kun is a kind and adorable sort of person. He’s been through a lot but he’s still innocent. He’s someone that I’m sure Mama would adore me bringing back home.

He’s rough around the edges, but as sweet and homely as red bean paste. Truly wonderful.

--

Hinata’s super unreliable, but he’s motivated and considerate if nothing else. It’s honestly a little embarrassing to praise the guy, but... I do remember a bit more about him.

He was classmates with Satou. And even Kuzuryuu’s sister. I heard—that he was friends with her. With that sister. And yet, I remember Satou mentioning that he’s not the worst offhandedly when I had asked back then. I hear he blames himself for what happened. Back then.

It makes me so angry I want to cry. I’m still fighting off the urge to tell him off! But, the realization that he saw an entirely different side to that conflict—I’ve been thinking about that.

I don’t hate him. I like him a lot, actually. He’s described my photographs in a way that warmed my heart.

He may be unreliable, but I still have places I need to improve, too. So, I think the two of us are fine as long as we keep trying.

--

We don’t have much of a relationship but it goes without saying that I’m aware he’s a kind person. He’s close to someone I—care very much about, as well.

Truth be told, I’ve been drawn as of late to that other presence. The one called Kamukura Izuru. Someone who is very different and yet very similar to myself.

It is not very often I wonder what would have happened to myself if I was never taken in by the Kuzuryuu family. I sincerely do not believe it would have been a normal life regardless. Even now the idea of seeing myself as normal is incomprehensible.

“It is how you lived,” Kamukura would say oh so dully.

“We’re all struggling to be normal,” Hinata would hurriedly add, smile strained.

And both are true, aren’t they? I am aware—that both of them are right.

And I am grateful for many reasons that go beyond expected.

--

They’re both wimps and cowards, but that’s why they need to be protected. That’s what I definitely think—even though I definitely want to mess with them until they keel.

Hinata-nii in particular is still so easy to mess with. Kamukura-nii is less so, but that just makes me more determined. It’s a welcome distraction from all the bullshit we deal with beyond ourselves.

...

We really shouldn’t be alive, y’know? We’ve done way too many fucked up shit to ever make up for it, so I don’t even see the point. But, because of those two, we’re all here anyway. Because of those two, the others are trying to live. Mahiru-nee and all those idiots—even...her.

That might count for something. It might not. I don’t know. I don’t really care.

I’m too stubborn to fall behind at this point. And I might struggle, and I might have to bite the hands that get offered to me by Hinata-nii, but I—

I think we’ll manage somehow, even after we inevitably fall back down.

--

The person you are takes a lot to nurture and blossom, you know?! Hajime-chan has made that much clear! He’s always struggling, sometimes his arms are all wobbly like noodles! And yet, he keeps on beating that drum I got him!

We’re all struggling but making noise—and I think the louder, the prouder!

There are still days where we scream our hearts out, even to the point it blows out our throats. It’s a good thing, then, that Izuru-chan has the talents to deal with that. Him and—even Mikan-chan can help a lot. We’ve all gotten really good at supporting each other!

But, I’m also sure a day will come when we go our separate ways. It’s heartbreaking, maybe even despairing, but despite that, I won’t be alone even when on my own.

It’s fun—how we’re all so different and yet glued together by our experiences. And we have Hajime-chan to thank for that, don’t we?

--

It’s, um, difficult to figure out the words to say. And it’s also so...so difficult to get on your own feet. I still struggle a lot more than I probably should. It’s hard. Even now I have to remind myself where I am—who I’ve become with everything that happened.

It’s horrible, but—I still miss her. I miss Nanami-san too, of course, but—it’s horrible that I miss a terrible person, too.

“It is expected,” Kamukura-san had said. “Regardless of the circumstances, your feelings had ran deep.”

“You’re not a bad person, Tsumiki,” Hinata-san reassured me. Hinata-san reassured me, and Kamukura-san had nodded as well—even though they both hated her so much. Even though they couldn’t understand at all.

They really were so...so kind...

It’s so...difficult but...it’s worth living for.

--

It’s important to live and work hard every day, despite the failures along the way.

That’s always been clear but with Hinata, it’s been even clearer.

He’s the kind of guy who takes on a lot—a real athlete, even discounting Kamukura’s obvious advantages in strength. Kamukura was supposed to be unmotivated—but like hell I’d allow that!

They both need to work hard! Run until they’re high on fumes! Beginning to end!

But it’s our duty to support them. It’s my duty to guide them, since I’m supposed to be acting as a coach right?!

In the past—I may have let a lot of people down. I may have even pushed them to the brink. I won’t lie, waking up was hell, but training from hell is just par for the course, isn’t it? Gyahaha!

I’ll support them, and they’ll support us in return—we’re all a team after all.

--

There are few titles befitting of such a being. However, he is and always shall be the singularity. The singularity of our realm who had crawled his way out of an imprisonment of his own design. Someone who voided their existence—only to return.

Something like that could be called almost godly, but Hinata Hajime, the singularity, is as mortal as can be. He is still weak to humanity’s faults. He can be meek. He can be hesitant. He can be cowardly.

However, he still pushed through—and he is ultimately the reason that our world and our own reason was restored. To call that a feat would be inarguable.

There is—much to be grappled with. Even someone such as I can confront difficulty, but there is no greater privilege than to live and live I shall. Death is a mere afterthought—I have already died twice, fufufu.

But, I live again because of him.

For that, I...will not forget.

--

Ahaha, wait, it’s my turn again? Hasn’t this been dragging on for too long already? I’ve already had my moment before, too.

That doesn’t count? What are you even saying? Someone like me shouldn’t count in the first place.

I chose to die within the simulation. But, so did Kamukura-kun. Hinata-kun also chose to die when he accepted the terms for that wretched project all those years ago.

I suppose it’s only to be expected that we all remain, wretched beings that we are alongside everyone else.

...

It’s because of both of them that we turned out the way we did. I hate them, but I love them, too. I’m not like everyone else, who are all irrevocably kind and appreciative.

There’s still one other ‘victim’ that deserves to speak but she’s no longer here. Expected. But still—unfortunate, I suppose. She was quite cared about.

In her stead, I’ll make sure those two don’t falter. That their future is seized with no chance of escape. It’s not because of my own gratitude. I’m not that selfish.

Hinata-kun...and Kamukura-kun...

I do want to see how you two will shape that future.

It looks bright already.

[a-damson-in-distress]

The Protégé 4

Pairing: MadaSaku

Plot: In search of a new cellist for his prestigious orchestra, an infamously feared maestro stumbles upon a young rising star.

The Protégé 1

The Protégé 2

The Protégé 3

Edit: I almost forgot to add this super important note: A thousand thank yous to my regulars who have followed this story from the get-go. There are a few of you who never fail to show their appreciation and never forget to leave an encouraging comment. Don’t think I don’t notice you, you stalkers ;). I am immensly thankful for your feedback and your comments, they keep me so motivated and give me a sense of validation, like this isn’t just some sort of private thing that I only create for myself and nobody else gives a shit about it. If five hundred people read my story without leaving a comment or anything and I’ve only got the few reviews from you guys, it’s still enough to show me that my work is appreciated. So thank you!

Note: For those of you who are as confused about orchestral stage etiquette as I am and have no idea what’s going on with the whole handshake thing in this chapter, here’s what I found out about it while doing research for chapter four: The first violinist in an orchestra is also called the concert master, he represents the entire orchestra and functions as a sort of “team captain” if you will. So whenever the maestro invites a soloist, the soloist is supposed to shake hands with the maestro (thanking him for the invitation basically) as well as the concert master (though there are variations to this, some only shake hands before the performance, some before and after, etc.). By shaking the CM’s hand, the soloist essentially thanks all of the other musicians for their collaboration as solo concertos are usually a group effort, and you know the soloist can’t go around shaking the hands of a hundred people so they usually only shake hands with the CM *gasp* wow that was a long explanation. Aaaaaaanyway, here’s a video of the concerto Sakura is performing in this chapter: Camille Saint-Saën’s Cello Concerto No.1 in A minor. 

Enjoy, have fun reading, let me know if you liked it, leave a comment, send a carrier pigeon, send a smoke signal, you know whatever floats your boat. You know the drill. 

                                                               ---------

“A little to the left. Chin up. Perfect, stay that way.”

Sakura had trouble not squinting her eyes when the photographer unleashed another onslaught of camera flashes upon her. She was currently in his studio doing a photo shoot for the orchestra’s and the theatre’s official websites. Her probation period was over, and they were only a week away from kicking off their tour after their first performance at home, so now the New National Theatre was going to officially announce her as the principal cellist of Maestro Uchiha’s ensemble complete with interviews, articles, videos of her rehearsals, and ridiculously over-the-top photographs.

The nickname the press had given her after her solo in Sapporo spread like wildfire, and the orchestra’s publicist decided to capitalise on her image as the Imperatrix Furiosa. So they put her in a majestic velvet evening gown dyed in a scandalous scarlet with a skirt wide enough to allow her to spread her legs to accommodate her cello on the throne-like chair she was currently sitting in. Her hair was tied up into an overly dramatic and intricate updo and fastened with fancy kanzashi hair pins that were sticking out in such a manner they made it look like she was wearing a crown.

The dress and accessories paired with the red lipstick and dramatic eye make-up made her look every bit the Furious Empress and the enticing femme fatale of Japan’s classical music scene the publicist wanted her to portray.

And Sakura hated every second of it.

“Do you think you have enough pictures now?” the young cellist asked tentatively while trying to hold her unnatural pose.

Deidara, the orchestra’s publicist, looked up from the laptop where her photographs appeared right after being snapped. “Just a few more, sweety. You’re doing great, though.” He gave her an encouraging thumbs-up and shot her an apologetic smile. Great, Sakura mused silently, she must have looked more uncomfortable than she thought. And here she was thinking she was good at hiding it.

“Seriously, though, we need to wrap this up. She’s got rehearsal in an hour, and Madara will chop off my head if his MVP is late,” Sakura heard the blonde publicist explain to the photographer. She sincerely hoped the heavy make-up was covering the deep blush she could feel spreading across her cheeks at his remark. Did her Maestro really tell the publicist she was his most valuable musician?

“No grinning, please,” came the photographer’s command from behind his lens.

Right. Stop daydreaming, Sakura reminded herself.

Straightening her back and schooling her features, the pink-haired cellist remained motionless on her make-shift throne. After a few more minutes of clicking, snapping, repositioning, and flashing, Sakura was finally free to get out of her dress and wash off all that make-up. She undid her complicated updo and gathered her hair into a high puffy ponytail. Putting on her pastel green boat neck dress with box pleats and slipping into her simple white ballerinas, she immediately felt more comfortable, like her young and goofy self and not the mature and seductive diva the photographer wanted her to be.

“Chop-chop, darling. Maestro Menacing is waiting for you.” Sakura was torn from her thoughts at the sound of Deidara calling out from the other side of the closed door. The young musician had to supress a smirk at the sound of the nickname she knew the publicist secretly used for her Maestro. He wasn’t entirely wrong, Mr Uchiha really could come across as menacing and unapproachable. But Sakura had gotten to know another side of him over the last weeks as well. There was a gentleness to him he only rarely showed, tiny little smiles of satisfaction and subtle gestures of encouragement. As much as she appreciated his constructive criticism, she loved his nods of approval and his well done, Ms Haruno’s even more.

And she couldn’t wait to prove herself to her Maestro during the upcoming tour and hope for a bit more of his praise she so selfishly craved.

After Deidara and Sakura left the photographer’s studio, they immediately headed back to the theatre where the rest of Maestro Uchiha’s ensemble was already preparing themselves for one of their last rehearsals before kicking off their tour. Sakura took her usual seat to the right of the conductor’s music stand. She was so busy tuning her cello, she didn’t even notice her Maestro approach his podium.

“Ms Haruno.” A deep voice made her look up in surprise and she was met with the sight of the raven-haired conductor casually leaning on the rail of his podium with his strong arms crossed in front of his broad chest, clad in a meticulous three-piece suit sans the jacket.

The young cellist prayed to God her blush wasn’t as visible as she thought it was.

“Yes, Maestro?” she answered in a small voice.

“How was the photoshoot?”

Sakura gave him a weak smile and chuckled softly. “Honestly? It was horrible. They dressed me up in this heavy, floor-length gown and backcombed my hair so much it looked like I had a bird’s nest on my head in the end. And I had so much make-up on I could literally feel my pores dying a horrible death by asphyxiation. Please don’t look at the photos once they upload them.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. But if it makes you feel any better, I will not go actively looking for your pictures. Though I have to admit, I would love to see a pink bird’s nest.” Her Maestro’s teasing grin made her giggle, and Sakura looked up at the raven-haired conductor with a huge smile on her face.

Just in that moment, she could hear the sound of a camera shutter from her left. Both her Maestro and Sakura turned around in surprise and spotted Deidara standing in the middle of the countless rows of seats with a camera in his hand.

“Finally. Do you know how difficult it is to get a photo of two people together who both hate to pose for pictures? You two are a publicist’s nightmare, but you’re lucky you’re so goddamn photogenic.”

Sakura turned to Maestro Uchiha and looked at him questioningly. With an annoyed eye roll, he explained, “Deidara said he needed a picture of the two of us together for our countless social media profiles. He wants to make a post about me welcoming you to the ensemble or whatever, and apparently, I cannot officially welcome you without a picture.”

His obvious annoyance with the blonde publicist elicited another laugh from the young cellist. Sakura watched her conductor narrow his eyes at her before his own lips spread into a tiny amused grin.

“Alright, that’s enough giggling now, Ms Haruno. If you keep enjoying my jokes like that, the other members of my orchestra might start to think I actually have a heart.”

Biting on her bottom lip to keep herself from chuckling at his quip and again hoping that her blush wouldn’t betray her, the young cellist focused her gaze on her sheet music and readied her instrument for the rehearsal. The other musicians took their seats as well, filling up the vacant space around Sakura, and fixed their eyes on the conductor.

Maestro Uchiha gave his final orders, raised his baton, and the musicians started playing.

                                                            ---------

“I finally got Naruto to accept my karaoke challenge. He’s going to do Leona Lewis’ Bleeding Love at the bar tonight, you gotta come with us!”  

The pink-haired cellist looked up from her sheet music and was met with the face of her new roommate Ino, the principal clarinet of their ensemble. After her first rehearsal with the Tokyo Metropolitan Symphony Orchestra, Temari had introduced her to some people she claimed were the only tolerable ones, and Sakura immediately hit it off with the blonde musician. Not long after getting to know each other, Ino offered her to move in with her after her previous roommate accepted another job in a different city. Though some of her newly found friends in the orchestra, who had all known Ino for a long time now, jokingly advised her against it with the explanation that she’s bi and you’re annoyingly adorable and totally her type, she’ll eat you up and spit you out, Sakura hadn’t regretted a single second of being the roommate of the exuberant and feisty clarinet player.

“Sure, I’ll be there. I just need a minute to talk to the Maestro,” Sakura answered with an amused grin.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ino bounce up and down with excitement. “Yay, it’s gonna be so great. We always go out the night before our first performance, without any alcohol of course,” the blonde musician added in a loud voice, pointedly looking in Maestro Uchiha’s direction before continuing, “but still, you’re gonna have so much fun with us. I’ll see you at home. And don’t be late, missy, I still need to do your makeup.”

Sakura was met with the end of Ino’s perfectly manicured index finger pointed accusingly at her face before the blonde turned on her heel and strutted off the stage as if it were her own personal catwalk.

Gathering her things, the pink-haired cellist made her way to the Maestro, who was currently busy berating his principal percussionist Naruto for goofing around with his timpani sticks during a break and pretending to have a swordfight with his fellow players. She decided to wait for them to finish and came to a halt in the middle of the string section when she realised that their orchestra’s concert master Kabuto was seemingly also waiting for a word with their conductor.

The grey-haired violinist was one of the musicians who hadn’t even spared her a glance on her first day. But while most of them seemed to have come around in the meantime or have at least started greeting their newest member, Kabuto was still adamantly giving her the cold shoulder. Whenever she tried talking to him, Sakura was met with nothing but haughty looks and condescending remarks. Though she had to admit, the moments of interaction between them were few and far between, because Sakura tried to keep them to a minimum. Their concert master was clearly of the highly competitive sort, and Sakura had no intention of letting him drag her into a musical pissing contest.

And still, manners were manners, so the cellist forced a tight smile and greeted him.

“Hey, Kabuto. Excited for our first concert tomorrow?”

The grey-haired violinist slowly turned his head and looked down his nose at her. He studied her for a second with narrowed eyes, as if trying to discern whether or not she was worthy of an answer, before opening his mouth, “I’m sure you are.”

Supressing the urge to roll her eyes at his usual cryptic answer, Sakura instead ignored his remark and cleared her throat. “So um, every CM seems to be handling stage etiquette a bit differently, so I wanted to ask you how you want to do the handshake tomorrow? Before and after, or just after or do you –“

“Honestly, Haruno, I couldn’t care less about the handshake or your solo. But if this really is so confusing to you, why don’t you go ask Daddy for help? It’s not like our Maestro has anything better to do than take his new little girl by the hand and show her how things work around here.”

What the hell was that supposed to mean?

Sakura could feel her cheeks heating up at his embarrassing remark, and she stared at him open-mouthed, stunned into silence. Luckily, she didn’t have to come up with an answer, since Kabuto was approached by another violinist in that moment, asking him whether he wanted to go out tonight.

“No thanks, I’ll be staying at the theatre for a while longer. I’ve got other plans for later,” the concert master explained with a devious grin.

After the violinist left, Kabuto made no attempt to address Sakura again, and Maestro Uchiha was still not done chewing out Naruto. Since she felt so incredibly uncomfortable in Kabuto’s presence, the young musician decided to grab her cello case and leave. Not even the prospect of talking to Maestro Uchiha for a few minutes was worth it, if it meant she had to spend another second in awkward silence with the concert master who seemed to hate her guts.

                                                              ---------

There was a ritual Madara had long formed a habit of going through before every concert he was going to conduct. It consisted of him mumbling every single articulation in chronological order of every piece of that night’s programme while he re-arranged the seats of his musicians on stage. Even though the stage crew of every theatre he ever worked at never failed to position everything correctly, the conductor still felt more at east when he could move every chair and every music stand to just the perfect spot.

Madara was currently contemplating whether to push a sax player’s seat half a centimetre to the left or to the right when he heard a commotion from backstage. He followed the noise to the labyrinth of dressing rooms where his eyes caught sight of three blonde musicians rushing from one room to the next, frantically looking for something.

“What do you mean, she can’t find it. It must be there!” Temari came rushing past him with a handbag before she promptly dumped its content on a table and started digging through it.

“I don’t know. When we got home last night, I asked her if all of her stuff was ready in the dressing room. She told me she checked everything three times, even tried on the shoes just to be safe, because she was afraid they gave her the wrong size.”

Madara watched his principal clarinet go through the countless makeup bags before she turned to another person in the hall. “Naruto, did you check the clothing racks in all the dressing rooms?” Madara’s gaze landed on the blonde percussionist who just entered the room with an apologetic shake of his head.

Clearing his throat to get their attention, the raven-haired conductor leaned against the door frame and let his gaze wander around the dressing room in which the three musicians were currently bustling about.

“Our concert starts in half an hour. I sincerely hope you’ll find whatever you’re so desperately looking for.”

Madara’s accusatory gaze met the desperate look of the blonde clarinet player before she approached him, grabbing his arm and tugging him down the hall.

“Maestro, you need to help us. It’s an emergency.”

Ino came to a halt in front of the closed door of another dressing room and knocked twice before letting herself in. Madara stayed behind, still unsure of what was really going on.

“Oh God, Ino, please tell me you have it, please! I need to be ready before anyone finds out, or before he finds out. Please, we need to hurry, Maestro Uchiha absolutely can’t know about this, or I’m screwed!”

Madara’s heart suddenly lurched in his chest at the sound of Sakura’s distraught voice so close to tears. He took a step forward and entered the room where he was met with the sight of his principal cellist dressed up in her concert outfit, a dark-green fitted pant suit, black patent leather Oxford’s, and a white blouse fully buttoned up – and missing a bow tie.

“Ms Haruno, what’s going on?”

She fixed her scared, wide eyes on him, and Madara was immediately hit with the urge to envelop her in his arms and assure her he’ll make everything right for her again.

The conductor couldn’t help but let his gaze be drawn to her beautiful mouth, invited by the sight of her teeth chewing on her bottom lip before releasing it to speak.

“Maestro, I’m so so sorry, but I … I can’t seem to find my bow tie. But I swear to God it was here. After the rehearsal and before I left the theatre yesterday, I checked if all of my stuff was ready like you told us and I swear to God my outfit was complete, I know I saw the bow tie with the rest of my clothes. But now it’s gone and we looked everywhere and I don’t know what to do. God, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry to disappoint you.” Her voice was shaky and on the verge of tears and Madara had to consciously restrain the urge in his feet to run to her.

He was just about to say something to comfort the distraught young cellist when he heard more voices approaching the dressing room. The maestro turned around to see a small crowd gathered outside the door, all asking and wondering what was going on with their youngest member.

“Nothing to see here, alright? Just looking for a lost bow tie. We’ll be ready any second now, so scram, got it?” The blonde clarinet player fixed the crowd with a stern gaze and waved her hands in front of her to signal the other musicians to disperse.

“Maybe we should help look? I’m sure we’ll find it faster that way. Then we can all get back to our preparations in peace.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Madara could see Sakura’s head shoot up and her eyes widen in surprise at the sound of his concert master’s suggestion. But before anybody could say anything, Kabuto had already turned around and left.

“I’m sorry for troubling you with this, Maestro. We actually promised Sakura not to tell you anything, but we really couldn’t find it anywhere after looking for so long, and now we’re kind of lost.” Ino’s apologetic gaze was shooting back and forth between the conductor and his principal cellist.

“It’s quite alright, Ms Yamanaka. I’m glad you told me. Now I can get to the bottom of this myself.”

When he saw Sakura’s worried expression turn even more desperate, Madara felt like slapping himself. That came out way more threatening than he intended it to. He was just about to clarify his statement when he heard a knock on the open door which made all their heads turn around.

Kabuto was standing in the doorway with his right hand raised, a bow tie dangling from the edge of his middle finger. “You’ll never guess where I found this,” he said in a casual tone, a barely visible smirk gracing his features.

Madara watched his principal clarinet cross her arms in front of her chest. “Oh I’m sure I will.”

Kabuto ignored her, instead stepping into the dressing room and approaching Sakura. “Somehow, it landed in a drawer of one of the dressing tables.” He slipped the bow tie off his middle finger, and Sakura barely had enough time to catch it. “Lucky for you I’m so thorough at everything I do.” He gave her what was probably meant to be a half-baked attempt at a sincere smile and then turned to face Madara, his fake grin widening, before he left the room.

The maestro’s eyes landed on the young cellist in front of him again, who was still staring after the concert master with a look of confusion. He glanced at his watch and cleared his throat.

“Everybody out. I need a minute with Ms Haruno.”

After her friends hesitantly left the room and closed the door behind them, Madara let his gaze rest on Sakura’s downcast head. It was then the maestro realised she was playing with the bow tie in her hand, tugging at it and turning it around between her fingers. She was nervous.

“Ms Haruno, look at me.”

At the sound of his soft command, Sakura slowly raised her head to meet his gaze. Madara had to supress a groan at the sight of her teeth chewing on her bottom lip again.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” her whispering voice pleaded with him.

“I’m not mad, Ms Haruno. I know none of this was your fault, trust me.” He closed his hands over her fidgeting ones and took the bow tie.

“Chin up.”

The young cellist just stared at him for a second, jade-green eyes wide with confusion.

Madara took a step closer to her, put a finger beneath her chin and forced her head up. He then proceeded to turn up her collar and fasten the bow tie around her neck.

“You’re not going to allow this incident to rattle you, you’re better than this and we both know it. Once I call you up on stage, you’re going to walk up there like you own the place, play your solo to perfection, and blow everyone away.” He gave her bow tie a final tug.

“Have I made myself understood, Ms Haruno?” Madara looked down at her with a strict gaze and a tiny amused smirk gracing his lips.

“Yes, Maestro,” Sakura nodded enthusiastically while smiling up at him with a look of pure determination.

“Good.” Madara grabbed her chin between his fingers and leaned closer to her face before murmuring, “I wouldn’t expect anything less form my protégé.”

He watched with satisfaction as a deep blush spread across her cheeks and her jade-green eyes widened in surprise, staring up at him with that look of wonder, reverence, and gratification she only seemed to have reserved for him, as if his praise was the only thing in the world giving her life meaning.

Unable to resist, Madara allowed his gaze to rest on her inviting lips for a split second before letting go off her chin and forcing himself to leave her dressing room.

His thoughts kept swirling around the young cellist even as he stepped onto the stage amidst tumultuous applause. The conductor had to admit that it was a good decision not to have Sakura join the ensemble for the entire programme but only for her solo in the last half hour; he probably wouldn’t have been able to keep his eyes from her. Though that wasn’t the original reason for not having her on stage for the entire performance. What Madara was really hoping to achieve with the late entrance of his principal cellist was to give her the grand introduction deserving of a musician of her calibre. After all, the Tokyo Metropolitan Symphony Orchestra was one of the most prestigious ensembles in the world of classical music, and Sakura Haruno wasn’t just anybody. And a good maestro knows to save the best for last.

Despite his mind being distracted with the image of her inviting lips only centimetres away from his own, Madara was still able to focus on the musicians in front of him as he led his orchestra through the concert’s programme. After they finished their second to last piece and when it was time for Sakura’s solo, he signalled his ensemble to quiet down, turned around on his podium to face the audience and grabbed a microphone.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, as you may have heard the Tokyo Metropolitan Symphony Orchestra has signed on a new member. As of this April, our vacant spot of principal cellist was filled with an immensely talented young musician from Kyoto. Though she doesn’t need an introduction, she’s going to get one anyway. She is an award-winning cello prodigy who was the youngest ever recipient of the first Grand Prize at the Rostropovitch Cello Competition at the age of sixteen. She studied under Takanori Nakano, Stjepan Hauser, and Steven Isserlis, to mention but a few. After establishing herself as a world-renowned cellist in her previous orchestras, she will now join us for our tour as the newest and youngest member of my ensemble. Ladies and Gentlemen, you will now hear Camille Saint-Saëns’ Cello Concerto number 1 in A minor with our new principal cellist Sakura Haruno as the soloist.”

Madara put down the microphone, stepped off his podium, and walked off the stage to where Sakura was waiting for him.

“Ready?” he asked with an encouraging smile.

She answered with a determined nod as her lips spread into an excited grin. “As I’ll ever be.”

The maestro signalled her to lead the way. As the cellist stepped onto the stage with her instrument in hand, the audience erupted into thunderous applause. Madara followed after her, clapping his hands like the rest of the guests and the musicians of his ensemble. He watched her bow deeply to the audience before turning to Kabuto and shaking his hand with a smug grin plastered on her face. She waited for Madara to step onto his podium before shaking his hand as well.

“Give ‘em hell, Ms Haruno.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see another one of her blushes he liked so much taint her cheeks as she took a seat and readied herself with a subtle, sincere smile gracing her lips.

Madara raised his baton while Sakura steadied her bow above the strings of her cello. They shared one last look, the cellist looking up at her maestro for guidance and the maestro giving her a tiny smile of approval. He nodded to his entire ensemble.

As the music enveloped the large concert hall, Madara could see Sakura sway in her seat, eyes closed and completely surrendering herself to her instrument. He knew in that moment that she was gone now, transporting her mind into whatever utopia she conjured up whenever she let go and allowed her music to simply take her away.

As easy as it was for him to get and hold her attention, the maestro had to begrudgingly admit that music still seemed to be the only thing able to ensnare her in a way he could not. He was going to have to change that soon enough, he decided.

But for the time being, Madara let her be. His protégé was lost to the world now, anyway.

[retrochannie]

Hate?

Summary: to some it’s just some words on the internet, for a certain maknae it’s enough to cause tears.

[A/N]: requested by anon. This is probably going to be the most angsty thing I’ve written thus far. Slight warning for harsh comments including death threats and panic attacks? 

Requests open!

Sunny was having a good day. It was a rare occasion where they had absolutely nothing scheduled and could do whatever they wanted - in reason of course. Usually Sunny would go to a studio to dance on these days, with it being her favourite hobby and all, but the girl was feeling lazy and instead chose to lay in her bed and scroll aimlessly on her phone. 

The boys had a similar idea to her apparently as they were scattered around the dorm in various places. Sunny guessed that their loaded schedules from the past couple months of comeback season was taking its toll on the young rookies.

Sunny went onto Twitter using her private account - it was amusing how Stays thought Chan was the only one to own a secret Twitter when in reality, pretty much every member did. Seeing a random post of all 10 members caught her interest and the girl giggled when looking at the comments. 

‘Ahh they’re all such cuties!’

‘Chan’s face is priceless! xx’

‘Stray Kids fighting!’

The positive words from Stay never failed to make her smile, but as she kept scrolling she couldn’t help but notice some negative words - mainly directed towards her. 

Now, Sunny knew not to read hate comments. Chan had warned her plenty of times, especially after what happened with Hyunjin at one of their previous fansigns. However, she just couldn’t stop reading, once she’d read one she’d read another. And another. And another.

Most weren’t so bad, just stuff like ‘Sunny looks fat’ or ‘why is she so ugly’ she could handle stuff like that. Sure it made her feel insecure, but it’d be forgotten by dinner. Unfortunately, it got much worse. As she kept scrolling the comments started to fill with antis.

‘Why is she even in Stray Kids? What was Bangchan thinking???’

‘She must be so annoying to be around. I bet the boys hate her’

‘Can’t she quit the group already?’

‘Quit the group? Can’t she just quit existing instead?’

Sunny didn’t realise she was crying until a tear fell down onto her phone that was being held in her shaking hands. She felt her breathing stutter and her chest getting tighter. She knew it was a panic attack, but she was too far gone to do anything about it. 

“Chae?” the voice seemed distant, like she was underwater.

“Hey Chae, calm down it’s okay - shit. Chan!” the voice called but the girl didn’t take much notice to it. She had curled into a tight ball and was gripping at her chest, phone long forgotten. She didn’t even realise the bed dipping as someone sat next to her.

“Chaeyoungie? Hey, it’s Channie, can you hear me?” the tone was so soft and calm and familiar that she was able to register the gentle hand being placed on the side of her head that rubbed tender circles into her temple. Sunny responded with another small sob.

“It’s okay, Youngie. Just breathe with me. You’re doing so well” he muttered words of encouragement and slowly but surely, Sunny was able to calm down and breathe at a normal pace. She shakily wiped away her tears before raising her head and facing Chan who was sitting in front of her, keeping a slight distance to not overwhelm the maknae.

“You with me?” he asked, clearly concerned but still smiling reassuringly at her. Not trusting her voice, she gave a weak smile and nod at the boy. He took his hand off her head and smiled back. “Good, cause I think you gave Felix the biggest fright of his life” the leader chuckled.

“Hey, I was totally calm!” Felix complained from the doorway apparently having seen Sunny’s entire breakdown. Said girl laughed at Felix as she began to sit up straighter and become more comfortable.

Chan looked next to Sunny, face contorting into a mixture of anger and sadness. Sunny followed his line of sight and saw the Twitter comments still showing on her screen. 

“I didn’t mean to look” she mumbled guiltily. Chan sighed as he reached forward and turned the phone off.

“Those people don’t know anything about you. If they got to know the real you they’d apologise like there was no tomorrow” Chan told her with nothing but sincerity. 

“Yeah! You’re super cool! Who else can beat me in a flexibility contest?” Felix jumped in. He probably had no clue what the comments said and just wanted to praise the girl.

“Ahh, I don’t deserve you guys” Sunny smiled brightly.

“Yup, because you deserve more. The whole world in fact!” Felix leapt onto the bed with the other two.

“You are my world bro” Sunny said dramatically, causing the freckled boy to clutch at his chest.

“Bro”

“Bro”

“I love you both, but please stop” Chan complained as he got up and went to leave the room. “Also Woojin’s gonna order chicken for dinner”.

“Chicken!!”

The rest of the members soon found out about the panic attack and hateful words online, to make sure everyone was prepared in case a second one came up (which happened half the time).

Each member made sure to show Sunny love in different ways that day. Jeongin gave her some of his sweets, Seungmin let her sit with him while he studied (it was funner than it sounds), Felix and Hyunjin played the Switch with her, Jisung and Minho did silly dances to make her laugh, Changbin helped her with her rapping and the two parents of the group bought Sunny whatever she wanted from takeout. 

It seemed like Sunny had completely recovered from earlier on that day. Keyword being seemed.

It was late that night when Jisung woke to what sounded like muffled crying. He raised his head in confusion, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He shared his room with Seungmin and Sunny and so quickly came to the conclusion of where the noise was coming from.

“Sunny?” he looked over at her from where he was sitting on his bed and saw that her body was shaking slightly under her covers, no doubt being a result of her quiet sobbing.

Without much hesitation, he made his way over to the girl’s bed and nudged her. The noise stopped quickly and Sunny turned to look up at the boy. He took note of the tears on her face and puffy eyes.

“No no, don’t cry” Jisung wiped the tears off her face and gave her a small smile, “everything’s okay Chae. You wanna sleep with oppa tonight?” he offered, knowing that physical contact always made her feel comforted and less alone. She nodded and moved so that Jisung had room to lay down. She wasted no time in snuggling against him as she buried her face in his chest. Jisung combed her hair with his fingers and kissed the top of her head.

“Sleep well Chae, and when you wake up you’ll feel much better” was all he said before closing his eyes. Though, he didn’t fall asleep until he was sure she had.

And sure enough, that was enough to make the girl feel a lot better. She slept with the peaceful knowledge that Stray Kids was always there for her. Hate couldn’t change that.

[hecallsmehischild]

Ski-Flailing

Lately I’ve talked about several things where I have done well and have adjusted and healed a lot, so how about a mixed bag of flail for a change?

So my husband, Sergey, organized a ski trip for the three of us in the house this week. I have never been skiing. I am not what you call physically adept. I enjoy occasional ice skating, hiking, and kayaking so far. This was another venture to see if this was an activity I could partake in and enjoy. Sergey is already an intermediate skier and loves it. Our housemate (whom I shall dub K) has been skiing since a young age and is basically expert level. So we represented the whole ability spread.

K agreed to teach me to ski, and both he and Sergey were surprised at how fast I caught on at first. I have no scale to judge by, so I glowed at the praise, but I was mostly concentrating on snowplowing my way everywhere because speed was scary. (snowplowing is pointing your skis to form an angle to slow yourself down. The wider the angle, the slower you go/the faster you stop).

At the top of the beginner’s run the guys had picked out for me, I was nervous, but it wasn’t too bad. I pushed off and started down. I very quickly realized that I didn’t know how to stop. I was doing the snowplow like I’d been told, but at this angle, a snowplow pointing down the mountain didn’t stop me. It only slowed me a little. I probably could have stopped if I could sustain a wider angle of snowplow, but my legs don’t have muscle in the right places to sustain a wider angle without crossing my skis at the front tips. So I went zipping down the mountain, weaving beautifully.

Sergey later said he’d been impressed and had to increase his speed to keep up. K caught up and called, “You’re doing great!”

To which I yelled, like the punchline to some cartoon, “I CAN’T STOP.”

Eventually K talked me through turning so sharply that I was pointed perpendicular to the slope and THEN doing a snowplow. This finally brought me to a halt.

I was thrilled to be stationary. But I was also only halfway down the slope. And from that point on, the angle got slightly steeper. By now you might guess that to me, “slightly steeper” presents a problem.

The first time I fell down was on the second half of the slope. What we worked out, eventually, was that I can do a perfect, beautiful, sharp right turn to go perpendicular to the slope. But for whatever reason, I don’t know how to mirror that same move to make a sharp left turn. So my left turn is a lot wider, and I pick up a LOT more speed because I’m pointing partly DOWN instead of straight ACROSS. Then I panic and try to turn back, but the panicky right turn isn’t as sharp as it needs to be to keep me slow, so I pick up MORE speed, and by the third (left) turn I am going so fast that I tip over in panic.

Things I am afraid of on the slope:

Hitting little children

Hitting people who can’t see me coming from behind

I can’t find the brakes

Later on I would realize there was a connection between the fear I experienced on the slope and the driving nightmares I have from time to time. In these nightmares there will be some combination of these factors: the brakes don’t work; the brakes work but only nominally; I’m on the wrong side of the road and can’t get out; I’m on the wrong side of the FREEWAY and can’t get out; I’m not actually in the driver’s seat, I’m in the passenger’s seat and nobody’s driving. Every time, the loss of control I feel, the total and utter helplessness, reduces me to screaming and crying in the dream, mashing my foot where the brake is even if it does nothing. That is the same feeling I got when I kept picking up speed on the slopes.

Back to reality. I made it down the mountain the first time and decided to give it a second go. Once again, I did great on the first part of the run. It was a gentle slope and I could bring myself to a stop as needed. Even my bad left turn couldn’t get me going uncontrollably fast on a slope that gentle.

And then came the second half.

I fell three or four times. Once I smacked my head hard enough to see stars for a split second. I slid pretty far on my back that time. I’m sure an instant replay would have been funny... later. Several times I tried (in desperation to stop) to turn so far that my skis were pointing uphill... and then I started going backwards. I couldn’t pull out of that except by falling over.

And every time I fell over, getting up was a huge ordeal. Joints you take for granted in getting up off the ground normally are constricted by super rigid boots and VERY bulky clothing. I don’t have the upper body strength to right myself while still attached to the skis, so I would have to pop out of the skis every time.

The more I did that, the more snow and ice getting packed in my boots became an issue. See, if there’s too much in your boot tread or in the ski mechanism, your boot won’t go in right. Imagine trying to balance on one foot on the slopes, using a ski pole to whack your boot, and then trying to get it aligned just right with the mechanism, only to find you didn’t get enough ice off. Or you can’t get your foot at the right angle, and you have to try and tilt it more, but you’re not even sure which joint you’re supposed to be tilting to get it to match the ski. Maybe you know exactly what I’m talking about and perhaps this motion is easy for you, and if it is I sincerely congratulate you. I don’t have great balance. I kept stepping back into the snow, or I couldn’t get it in the mechanism right and the ski started slipping away, or I got in one ski and had to make sure it stayed perfectly perpendicular to the slope, adjusting every time I got off the line because I would start slipping with only one ski on.

It took us an hour to get down the beginners run the second time. I cried twice on the way down. It’s easy to talk about it after the fact, but in the moment I hated it. Hated myself. Hated crying like a stereotype, out of shock and overwhelmedness and frustration. I felt very weak and helpless on all kinds of levels.

Sometimes K and Sergey were both with me, sometimes it was just Sergey, but they were both very understanding and helpful and supportive. I came off the second run pretty sure I couldn’t keep going. In addition to my high strung emotional state, my legs weren’t strong enough to sustain the moves anymore, and I’d spent most of the rest of my energy trying to pick myself up and get back in the skis.

We got some lunch and talked things over. I chose to go back to our place and rest and walk around town. I was tired out of my mind and shop employees probably thought I was high, but it was nice to window shop. I even found a candle for Mom’s birthday. Then the guys and I went out for dinner and I thought things were going to be okay.

Later that night, as I tried to go to sleep, anxiety kicked in hard. I recall, now, that on the slopes I said to myself that I would pay the panic bill later, that I had to get down the mountain somehow, and I wonder if I delayed the reaction. Between that, altitude, attack, a what-have-you combination of factors, I lost all rationality. I was convinced that if I went to sleep, I would have a skiing nightmare and be back on the mountain all night, completely out of control. I wrought myself up so much, I ended up sick in the bathroom. I shook and shivered under my blankets for a long time, unable to push through anxiety to get to the sleep that I KNEW would straighten out my brain. Finally, I grabbed my phone, pulled up Spotify, and turned on Enya. With her soothing Celtic tones in my ears all night, I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I explained to Sergey and K why I couldn’t join them. They both understood and relieved me of guilt, though K suggested that I should consider at least going over the bunny slopes (almost flat) at least once the next day. He said that if I left this trip with my very last impression of skiing as a bad one, general human psychology gave high odds that I would never try again. This made a lot of sense. I agreed to try the bunny slopes the next day so that maybe, in the future, I might be willing to try beginners slopes again. Just three runs on the bunny slopes, then I could be done.

I did self-soothing things. I slept another hour. I had a good conversation with Mom over Facebook. I had a hot bath. Then I joined Sergey for lunch and stopped by a used bookstore and rescued some Terry Pratchett books for cheap.

Last night, I went to sleep without panic. This morning I woke up calm. Happy. Ready to go. Well, I almost didn’t go because my legs still hurt so bad, but after some advice and a round of stretching, THEN I was ready to go. I started eating a good breakfast and piecing together my outfit when the anxiety started kicking in.

No big deal, I told myself. Just the bunny slopes. Just three times. It’s basically flat. Three times and I can stop.

The anxiety would leave for a few seconds at a time, but came back. It slowly began to amp up over the hour we all prepared. I checked with Sergey to be sure he’d come with me at least once, and he said of course he would stay with me a while. Reassured, I continued suiting up.

The. Anxiety. Amped.

I kept repeating, “three bunny slopes” over and over to myself. As I strapped on the boots. As I stumped out with the guys. As we sat at the bus stop. I have to be able to talk myself into doing this. It is in my reach, ALL of what I am going to do is TOTALLY within my capability, said the rational part of my brain. And it was right. But my anxiety screamed louder.

When a tinge of nausea hit, I had to ask myself if I really wanted to spend another bad night like this. I’d never worked myself up to be sick before this trip, but I guess the altitude factored in. I am, after all, from flat and valley lands.

And then... what do I want? That’s what really stuck out in my mind. I closed my eyes and said to myself, “Okay. I’m listening. What do you really want, here?”

Immediate calm. And the rather strongly rooted feeling that I really. Really. Really. Do not want to do this.

See, in the past I have been really good at ignoring what I really want if the things I want don’t align with desires of other people. I prefer to gain peoples’ praise and approval. To avoid judgment. I will do something if I think it is the “right thing to do” whether I’m objectively correct or not. If I really wanted to ski and it aligned with the desires of other people with me? I believe that I could push through that fear to do it. Heck, I push through fear to get on a roller coaster because I know for a fact that’s something I truly enjoy and I just need to override the fear to get on board. But the fact of the matter was, I really didn’t want to ski. And my push-past-what-you-want-to-gain-approval function doesn’t work as well as it used to.

I apologized to the guys and explained, briefly, why this wasn’t a good idea for me. They understood and wished me well. I thanked them (again) for their efforts and support, then stumped back to our place to have a hot bath. I’m really glad that they got more time on the slopes they enjoy these last couple days.

I walked up and down the main street of the town. I fed my addiction patronized another small bookstore. I found a card and a bookmark, each headed for someone special. I found silly knee high socks for me. I chatted with some of the employees of the stores. I finally found a really nice cozy coffee shop and set up here, and this is where you find me now. With a hot chocolate, not a mocha, because right now extra caffeine is the last thing I need until I’m back to my “normal” stability.

So that brings us back to the mixed bag of flailing. Quite obviously I did quite a lot of falling and failing. In many senses, I let my fear get the best of me. I didn’t push through and conquer, not even at the lowest bar set.

But on another level, I had some successes.

I tried a new thing and established whether I liked it or not.

I stopped pushing myself to do something that was scaring me, even if the fear was irrational. I came to realize, if it isn’t going to be fun for me, what is the point?

I listened to myself. I listened. To that part of me that I so often sweep aside because if I don’t go along, surely I’ll just be judged and left behind. Alone.

I expressed my preference. I made my own decision about my actions instead of allowing myself to be “swept along” when I didn’t really want to.

And this time I know I won’t be abandoned. It is safe for me to say, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to. I hope you have fun, and I’ll meet up with you later.”

I sit here in the coffee shop, unspooling my thoughts. I didn’t conquer my fears about skiing, but I did listen to myself. I didn’t drag the whole trip down like I worried I would, either. I hope that in the future, I will be less afraid of many things, but for now I will continue to feel out what my pace is.

And this is not a wasted trip by far. The guys are having a blast on the slopes. I’m enjoying the local artists and booksellers and coffee joints and the glistening snow I so rarely see. Bundling up tight against the cold and relishing the warm/cold sensations that go with this clothing/climate duo. I get to welcome them back with a smile and either listen or join in on evening discussions. This has been a good time, even if it didn’t go as expected, and that is another win in my book.

[as-write-as-rain]

Love Song

Pairing: Bassist!Bucky x Singer!Reader

Summary: Everyone in this band is your best friend, but you wish the bassist was a little more than that.

Warnings: PG Language. Lots of Fluff!

This is for @kentuckybarnes' 3k Writing Challenge! Here's your Rockstar!AU one-shot featuring Bucky w/ a Bass, I hope you enjoy it!! Here's my first attempt at fanfiction, and I've probably been overthinking it, but I'm fairly happy with the result. Please be kind!

You drew your coat tighter around yourself, hurrying across the quiet street. The streetlight illuminated the snow drifting through the air, giving a peaceful feeling to the night…but you barely even noticed. You were running late for practice, and you really weren’t in the mood to hear another lecture from Steve – not after the day you’d had. Work had been busy as hell, because someone had called in sick and you had to pick up the slack; then, when you’d finally clocked out and headed to class, you got your philosophy paper back with a big fat D at the top. All you wanted to do right now was hang out somewhere warm with your favorite people in the world and make some music. Luckily, you were finally on your way there now!

Everyone looked up as you (accidentally) slammed the door open to Steve’s apartment. Tossing them a “sorry!” cringe, you stomped your boots on the mat, trying to dislodge as much snow as you could. The last thing you needed was a bunch of puddles creating a real safety hazard in the middle of your jam session! Stuffing your hat and scarf into a pocket, you hung your coat from one of the hooks on the wall, and joined your friends in the living room.

“’Bout time you got here, girl – we were wondering where you were!” Sam’s voice, dripping in sarcasm, made it crystal clear how he felt about having had to wait for you, and the withering look you shot him in response only made him laugh. You’d been friends since third grade, and always liked to give each other a hard time. Carol was setting up her keyboard, but she tossed you one of her patented wry smiles, her twinkling eyes speaking volumes about what she thought of Sam’s antics. Thankfully, Steve was engrossed in a pile of papers and only glanced up briefly enough to give you a quick nod as you passed, before returning to his work.

You took a deep breath to mentally prepare yourself before turning towards the couch, where you had already spied Bucky out of the corner of your eye. He had one leg up on the edge of the couch where he was tuning his bass, but as you approached he looked up and smiled. You steadfastly ignored the way it made your heart squeeze, and just gave him a breezy smile in return, dropping your laptop bag onto the cushions with a little more force than you meant to.

He instinctively leaned a little closer to you, and, in a quiet voice, asked, “How’s it going?” You glanced over, appreciating the way he tried to keep the question just between the two of you, instead of involving the whole room in the conversation. His attention was focused on the tuning pegs, but when you didn’t answer right away he looked over at you, tossing his head slightly so his shoulder-length hair fell back from his grey-blue eyes.

You sighed. “It’s going.” His expression turned sympathetic, and, with a half-shrug, you elaborated, “Today was kinda shit, but now I’m here and ready to rock out with you guys.”

His eyes searched yours, trying to make sure you were really okay, and the kindness and concern you saw in them made you secretly weak. “Well, I’m always here for you, if you wanna talk about it later.”

“Thanks, Buck,” was all you trusted yourself to say, and, with a small smile, you busied yourself with pulling out your music while he finished tuning his instrument. After a few seconds you peeked back at him out of the corner of your eye. His hair had fallen back across his face, and what you could see of his expression was once again serious. His focus was back on his gleaming silver guitar with its single bright red star, and you let your gaze linger on his lips before dropping to admire the way his muscles flexed while tuning it. Had he been working out? You could have sworn they were even bigger than usual, and he’d never been scrawny to begin with.

Steve cleared his throat and you quickly looked up to where he was standing in the middle of the room. “Anytime you’re ready, Y/N.” Trying not to look guilty (did he catch you checking Bucky out? Or is he just annoyed that you were late?), you nodded and stepped over to the mic.

Closing your eyes, you took three deep breaths, releasing the stress of the day and the pressures of the world; leaving behind the Harried Barista, Stressed College Student, and Pining Best Friend parts of your personality in favor of fully embodying your Rock Goddess persona. Everything that happened before this moment, you let fall away; right now, there was only you and the music. When you opened your eyes again, you felt fierce and self-possessed, filled with a deadly calm and ready to sing your heart out.

Carol was already poised, hands on the keys, and Sam sat behind his drum set, both of them looking to Steve, who was holding his guitar and tapping his foot to set the rhythm for the first song. Bucky got into position and faced forward, eyes on you. This was always his favorite part, watching you come alive in front of the mic. He saw your eyes open and your whole posture change, and he smiled to himself. Now we can rock.

Steve started first, then Sam, Carol, and Bucky last of all. You guys knew this song forwards and backwards, so it was almost like a warm-up for you. You grabbed the mic and started out quiet, gradually getting louder as the song built. It was so familiar and so freeing that you were grinning by the time the song was over. A glance at the rest of your friends told you they felt the same way.

The five of you had been friends forever, and Future Captains grew naturally out of your shared love of music. It started out as a fun project, but soon you realized you sounded really good together. Eventually, you’d all gotten kind of serious about it, and everyone had come into their own: Steve (and sometimes Carol) provided additional vocals, Sam was a genius at publicity, and Bucky excelled at managing most of what went on behind the scenes. And of course, everyone had only gotten better and better at playing their respective instruments as time went on. You loved to sing -- but more than that, you adored performing as a band, all of you creating music collectively, because it felt like you were part of something bigger than you, like you were sharing a soul for a few minutes in time. Whenever you sang, you felt powerful and unstoppable, and life seemed to make sense again. So, you eagerly lost yourself in the music, surrendering all your worries and just letting the songs flow through you.

After a couple of hours, you’d gone through all your material, both the older songs and the newer stuff you were still fine-tuning. You chugged from your water bottle and beamed at your band mates, invigorated. Carol winked, Sam gave you two thumbs up, and Bucky’s grin seemed to mirror your own.

Steve was smiling too, and as he started wrapping up cords and putting away his red, white, and blue guitar, he praised, “Great job, guys, we sounded amazing. I think we’re going to blow everyone away at the gig next week.” More smiles all around before he continued, “I’m almost done with those new songs I’ve been working on; I should have them done by Thursday’s practice, so we’ll try them out then.”

“Ooh, I can’t wait!” Carol cooed in that dry tone that always sounded a little teasing. When Steve glanced over to see whether she was being sincere, she continued, “I mean it! You’re a really great songwriter, Steve. I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

Steve blushed and shrugged. “Well, thanks. But I’m not the only one! You guys are super talented too, and if any of you ever want to write a song, just let me know. I’m more than happy to share the songwriting responsibilities!” He looked around the room, holding everyone’s gaze for a few seconds, looking at Bucky last. Bucky studiously avoided eye contact, busying himself with putting his own guitar away.

The mic was the easiest item of all to put away, so after stowing it in its box you’d helped Sam dismantle his drum set and store the pieces safely in the corner. Addressing the room at large, you clapped your hands together and asked in a chipper tone, “Anybody up for a drink down at the bar? I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve had a hell of a day.”

Sam was first to jump at the chance, and Carol was happy to join in. With an apologetic look, Steve explained that he had an early test tomorrow that he really needed to study for. Bucky hesitated just a second. “I’d love to, but I have an essay I need to finish.” Seeing your disappointment, he scrambled to add, “It’s almost done, maybe I can finish it up quick and meet you guys?” The three of you nodded, and he quickly decided that the smile you gave him was worth whatever grade he would end up getting on his half-baked paper.

He watched you, Carol, and Sam grab your jackets and head out the door, and when you turned back with a little wave, he gave you a grin that looked a lot more confident than he felt. The door shut, and he turned away, only to see Steve sitting at the kitchen table, regarding him knowingly.

Frowning, he growled, “What?”

“Nothing.” Steve’s voice was annoyingly patronizing.

With a sigh, Bucky turned towards his room, intending to ignore Steve’s smugness and hurry to finish his paper, but he’d gotten only a few steps before he heard him speak again.

“You should just tell her how you feel, Buck. I’m pretty sure she likes you, too. You guys would make a great couple.”

Whirling around, Bucky scowled at his roommate. “What are you talking about?”

Steve sat back in his chair and just gave him his patented look. Bucky jutted out his chin and crossed his arms, determined to be just as stubborn. Steve broke first, giving a short huff of laughter and shaking his head with a smile. “You’re my best friend, Buck, and so is she. It’s clear you have feelings for Y/N, and I wish you would just come clean, instead of pining over her and acting so weird and defensive. You’d be good for each other.”

Bucky looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Steve sighed. “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to. I’ve got my test to study for anyway, and I know you’ve got to finish your paper.”

  A little over a half hour later, Bucky sat at his computer, reading over his paper one last time. It definitely wasn’t his best work, but it was pretty solid. He’d probably get a C; anything higher than that would require significantly more time and effort, and he wasn’t willing to spend any more of either at this point. His mind was already thinking ahead to seeing you at the bar, maybe find out what was bothering you – or at the very least, get to cheer you up and spend some time together. He loved just being in your presence, making you laugh or smile. You were like the sun to him, you seemed to warm his very soul; and he couldn’t get enough.

He quickly emailed his essay to his professor, grabbed his stuff, and headed for the living room. Steve must have heard his footsteps, because he stuck his head out of the kitchen, probably about to nag him again. “Hey, Buck –“

Bucky cut him off, calling out loudly, “Sorry, Steve – gotta run!” as he rushed out the door into the cold.

Steve sighed, looking down at the books his roommate had left in the kitchen. The clutter was really distracting him (probably because he might have been eager for any distraction at all from his studying, which was turning out to be very boring indeed), and he had hoped Bucky would take his stuff back into his room. “I guess I’ll just do it myself, then,” he mumbled to himself, picking up the stack. A page fluttered out of the notebook on the bottom of the pile. “Oops,” Steve bent to retrieve it, and then pulled up short. He’d expected it to be chemistry notes, but this was laid out like a poem, and the unexpected formatting caught his attention.

His eyes skimmed over the stanzas. “Aw, Buck….” The wheels in his head started turning.

  As soon as he opened the door to the bar, Bucky could hear one of his favorite sounds in the world: your laughter. The place was about as busy as you’d expect for a Tuesday, and it wasn’t hard to spy the three of you in a booth, laughing uproariously about whatever story Sam had just finished telling. He stopped at the counter to order a beer before heading your way. Carol spied him and waved animatedly, as though he hadn’t already seen you guys; you snorted at her antics and took another sip of your drink before giving him a quick hug hello.

Sam’s story seemed to remind Carol of something similar that had happened to her once, and soon the four of you were in stitches, imagining her incredibly serious Lit professor going to lean back against the desk like he always did – only to find that the desk wasn’t exactly where he thought it was…and ending up on his ass on the ground instead.

“Everybody laughed, even Dr. Snyder – and then he swept right back into discussing Camus again, as though nothing had happened. You would not have been able to handle it, Y/N!”

You put your hands on your hips, trying to look menacing, or at least offended. “What’s that supposed to mean??”

Sam shoved your shoulder, shaking his head and laughing. “Come on, don’t act like you don’t know what we’re talking about. You can never keep it together when something strikes you as funny – especially when everyone’s supposed to be super serious. Remember that assembly in high school where you couldn’t stop laughing and you ended up getting detention for it?”

You grimaced, facepalming when Bucky joined in the teasing, asking, “Which time??” The three of them laughed even harder, and you had to give it up and join them, even though you were blushing brightly. This is why you’d wanted to come to the bar, after all, to relax and just have some fun; and besides, you really couldn’t deny that they were absolutely right.

Once the laughter had died down, Carol stood up, announcing that she was going to request some songs on the Jukebox. Sam shouted after her, reminding her to put some Marvin Gaye in the rotation, and she rolled her eyes and waved a hand at him to signify that she was well aware of Sam Wilson’s Jukebox Rules. Satisfied, Sam sat back, taking a swig of beer and surveying the room.

“Hey, Buck, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but that blonde in the corner hasn’t taken her eyes off you since you got here.”

Bucky, who’d been about to nudge you and try to initiate conversation, was startled by the sudden change in topic, and froze. “What?”

Sam leaned in conspiratorially, a smirk on his face. “It’s your lucky day, man; looks like she’s heading this way. And her friend is cute!”

You barely had time to react before the two girls reached the table, and Sam was already hailing them with that swagger that you usually made you laugh, but somehow tonight was just getting on your nerves.

The girls giggled, and you swore you saw the blonde bat her eyelashes at Bucky. Who does that??

You grabbed your drink and hopped out of the booth, trying to appear chill despite the sinking feeling in your stomach. “I think I need another one of these,” you mumbled, even though nobody had asked.

The blonde had placed her hand on Bucky’s bicep, but his eyes stayed on you as you marched up to the bar and shone that million-watt smile on the bartender. Of course the guy started flirting immediately, who could resist you? Clenching his jaw, Bucky turned his attention back to his admirer, who was asking, “You know, you guys look familiar, have we met before?”

Sam preened. “You might have seen our band play around town, we’re the Future Captains?”

The girls squealed. “That’s what it is! You guys rock!!”

The blonde squeezed Bucky’s arm. “You’re the bassist, right? You’re incredible,” she breathed.

He smiled widely despite himself. “Thanks for the compliment, doll.”

“We’re playing at the House of Blues next Wednesday night, you girls should come check us out.” Sam really excelled at promoting the band, which Bucky was secretly grateful for, since it meant he didn’t have to hold up much of a conversation, and could continue watching you surreptitiously. The bartender was being extra friendly, and Bucky was trying really hard not to crush his beer bottle in his fist.

The conversation around him carried on without him even noticing, and he almost didn’t even hear Sam addressing him directly.

“Bucky, you coming, man?”

He focused back in on Sam’s face, searching his memory to see if he could remember the last thing someone had said. “Uh…”

Sam rolled his eyes. “To the party? That these lovely ladies have invited us to?” He gave him a very pointed look, clearly trying to telegraph something with his eyes. Whatever he was trying to say, it was definitely lost on Bucky.

“Uh, no, thanks. I’m gonna hang with Y/N, that was the whole point of coming here, after all – what kind of friend would I be if I abandoned her?”

Sam paused. “You’re right, bro, maybe I should stay too?”

Glancing around at the ladies waiting impatiently, and Sam’s conflicted expression, he made a quick decision. “Nah, you go. It’s totally your scene, and I’m sure she’ll understand. I just don’t want to leave her completely alone.”

Sam shrugged, standing and putting an arm around each of his new fans. “You’re right. She’s a big girl, she’ll get it. And it’s not like she can’t handle herself.” With a quick wave in your direction, and one at Carol (who was still close to the jukebox, seemingly deep in conversation with an admirer of her own), he donned his jacket and left.

Meanwhile, you were flattered by the bartender’s attention, and while it wasn’t really doing much to raise your spirits, it did ensure that you got a nice, strong drink. Besides, he was cute enough, and you knew from experience how hard a job in the service industry could be. So you played along with his small talk; it’s not like you were in a rush to get back to your friends and watch some strange girl fawn all over Bucky. But the bar soon got a bit of a rush, and when you snuck a glance back at the table, you were surprised to discover Bucky sitting all by himself, with neither strange girls nor Sam anywhere in sight. Grabbing your drink and sliding the bartender a generous tip, you made your way to Bucky.

He greeted you with a big smile, sliding over to let you into the booth. “Where’d Sam go?” you asked, searching the room one last time as you sat down.

“He went to a party with his new friends,” Bucky offered.

“You didn’t want to go?”

Your surprise was written all over your face, and Bucky shrugged, chuckling. “And leave my best girl behind? No way!”

You took a sip of your drink to disguise how flustered you felt. You were his best girl? What did that even mean?? You settled for playfully elbowing him in the ribs. “Well, thanks, Buck. I definitely appreciate it.”

The grateful smile on your face made his heart explode, and he was instantly glad for every decision he’d made tonight. He impulsively put his arm around your shoulder and pulled you in for a side hug.

You returned his hug with a happy sigh, and when he didn’t withdraw his arm after the hug was over, you snuggled in close to him. It almost felt like old times, before you had developed this pesky crush and were just as comfortable being affectionate with Bucky as with the rest of the group.

Speaking of, you spied Carol finally returning to the table, and grinned. “And where have you been?” you teased.

She rolled her eyes as she climbed back into the booth. “What can I say? Who am I to snub a fan?” The three of you laughed at her pretended cockiness, and you settled in to listen to her next hilarious story. Your heart felt lighter and happier than it had all day, and once again you gave thanks for having such awesome friends in your life.

  Your spirits were high by the time the next rehearsal rolled around. The rest of the week had been pretty low-key at work, and you hadn’t had any big assignments or tests in any of your classes, which was a relief. You even talked Carol into heading to practice early, hoping to hang out with your bandmates a little longer.

You stopped by work to grab a round of coffees (or hot chocolates!) for everyone, and then headed to Steve’s. When you & Carol got there, they’d left the door unlocked for you, and you walked in to find them watching some ridiculous old 90s movie they found playing on cable. They greeted both of you with smiles and hugs (and excitement about the drinks!), and invited you to join them. After only the slightest hesitation, you opted to sit on the sofa next to Bucky, while Carol sank into one of the big plushy chairs facing the TV. Bucky grinned at you as you sat down, and you couldn’t help but notice he looked even better than usual today, in a blue shirt that really brought out the color of his eyes. He stretched his arm across the back of the couch, inviting you to snuggle up close to him as always, and you couldn’t resist doing so. He was so warm and safe, which was quite a welcome situation to be in after walking in the snow. So you curled up into his side and took a fortifying sip of your cocoa, letting yourself be warmed both inside and out.

The movie was over by the time Sam arrived, and the four of you had just been chatting about life, work, school, and upcoming gigs. Carol was draped sideways over the arms of the comfy chair, her hair hanging over one side and her legs dangling over the other; Steve sat on the floor with his back against the couch, fiddling with an old Rubik’s cube he’d found under the coffee table.

As Sam grabbed himself something to drink from the fridge, Steve checked the clock and realized it was time to get rehearsal started. Standing in front of you all still in the TV room, he adopted the tone you all recognized as Business Steve.

“Okay guys, I finished the songs I was working on, you ready to hear them?”

You all whooped in response, enthusiastic as ever to hear what Steve came up with. He was great with lyrics, but it was really his melodies and arrangements that always blew you away, personally. He had a real talent for that sort of thing, and you loved to encourage him.

Steve dragged over a music stand and his acoustic guitar, sitting down in the comfy chair that Carol had vacated to join you on the couch. Sam plopped himself into the other comfy chair, still nursing his drink. Steve played a few chords, and just as you thought he was about to sing, he stopped and coughed.

“Uh, Buck, you think you could help me with this?”

Bucky looked like he’d been caught passing notes in class. “Huh?”

“Wanna come up here and sing this for me?”

“Why?” Bucky said, blankly. You didn’t blame him for being confused; Steve usually debuted new songs by singing them himself, and this was the first time he’d ever asked someone else to do it instead.

“Because my asthma has been acting up, and I don’t think I can do it today.” Steve sounded like he was trying very hard to be patient, and you fought to keep yourself from snickering at how odd he was acting.

Bucky stood up, looking concerned. “Oh shit, man, I’m sorry. I hadn’t even noticed. Have you been wheezing or anything? Should we make a doctor’s appointment?”

Steve’s face was starting to turn red, and you grabbed onto Carol’s arm, biting your lip and avoiding eye contact with her, knowing it would make you crack up. She put her hand over yours and gave a sympathetic squeeze as Steve continued in a slightly strained voice. “I think I’ll be okay, Buck, but I just don’t want to exacerbate it by singing today. Can you just please come sing for me instead?”

Bucky obediently got up and crossed the room, taking the pages Steve handed him and looking them over. You were so busy struggling to control the laughter that was threatening to burst out of you, you didn’t even notice how Bucky suddenly got really still and tense. His eyes hardened, and darted over suspiciously to Steve, who was diligently focused on his guitar, apparently tuning it even though he’d been playing it just fine minutes before.

“What is this?” Bucky asked in a steely tone, very quietly so that only Steve could hear.

“It’s our new song,” Steve announced brightly to the room in general. “You ready to start, Buck?”

Bucky swallowed, glancing quickly at everyone, his eyes lingering just a second longer on you before going back to the music in his hands. There really was no way out of this, he had to just plow through and hope he made it to the other side. “Sure.” His voice was rough, and he cleared his throat and took a drink of water.

Steve smiled a wide, too-innocent smile, and started strumming again. After a few moments, Bucky began to sing.

I know every little thing about you And you know all about me too But not everything, I have a secret How have you not noticed yet?

You had always loved Bucky’s voice, gravelly and rich. But for whatever reason, he usually preferred to leave the vocal parts to Steve, so you didn’t get to hear him sing as often as you’d liked. Your earlier amusement already forgotten, you smiled, letting his warm voice wash over you while you listened to the lyrics and tried to imagine yourself singing this song in the future.

We've known each other since we were small Never dreamed that I would fall But every day I have to pretend Because you’re also my best friend

His voice, tremulous at first, had grown stronger as the song continued, but on this last line it cracked just a little. Then the rhythm changed, and it was clear the chorus was approaching.

You shine like the sun and I'm only a shadow The center of my world but you'll never know You're everything I've ever wanted I'm haunted

The song was beautiful, but, more than that, the lines were breaking your heart. They seemed to exactly describe how you felt about Bucky. But, how did Steve know? Was this some kind of joke? Had he figured out how you felt and was outing you to Bucky? Even as these panicked thoughts occurred to you, your rational mind had to point out Steve would never be that cruel. But as the verses started up again, you sat up a little straighter, trying to pay closer attention to what was really going on here.

When we're together, I have to hide Got to keep it all inside But deep within I'm falling apart Because I’m already losing my heart

The emotion in Bucky’s voice was raw, and you found yourself incredibly moved. And in that moment, your heart seemed to stop. Maybe this song wasn’t from your point of view at all. But did you dare to hope?

I don't know what to say So I hold my tongue another day What if you don't feel the same? I don't want anything to change

You shine like the sun and I'm only a shadow The center of my world but you'll never know You're everything I've ever wanted I'm haunted

The notes slowed down and time seemed to stretch out with them, as he sang the final coda.

I'd give everything just to have you be mine Worship you all of the time But I'm so afraid to cross that line

As the song ended and the last chords died out, a silence hung in the room, like the world was holding its breath. Your eyes were threatening to overflow with tears, but you didn’t move. Bucky stood still, not looking up; afraid to see your reaction. He felt like his heart had been laid bare, and he was terrified to see what came next.

You looked back and forth between him and Steve, desperately trying to figure out if what you hoped was happening was actually true. When you caught Steve’s eye, he was already looking directly at you. He raised a brow and ever so slightly tipped his head, nodding towards Bucky.

You felt frozen; you didn’t know what to do. Next to you, Carol cleared her throat, and suddenly you remembered there were other people in the room.

“Great song, I love it!” she crowed, her voice startlingly loud after such an extended quiet. “Um, Sam, I just remembered I have something I wanna show you. In the kitchen.” She practically leapt off the couch, and Sam followed her lead immediately.

Steve stood up too, mumbling something about having to wash some dishes, and scooted out of the room on their tail. You gave an amused exhalation at their lack of subtlety, but for the first time in your life the humor was tempered by a situation that needed your more immediate attention.

Bucky had yet to move from where he stood, though he was now staring after Steve with a somewhat incredulous look on his face. You took a deep breath and found your voice, though your heart was in your throat.

“Bucky?”

You were so quiet that you wondered if he’d even be able to hear, but he turned toward you, fingers fiddling with the music sheets. He kept his eyes downcast, still avoiding eye contact. “Y/N…”

You waited to see what he was going to say, but when he trailed off, you decided to speak again. “That song…that was amazing.”

The emotion in your voice was what tugged his eyes up to meet yours. “Yeah?” The ghost of a smile appeared around his lips, but his gaze was hopeful.

You smiled softly, taking a few steps closer to him. “Yeah.”

He flushed, glancing down at the page again. “Steve –“

You stopped abruptly, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow. “Steve?” You questioned, in a disbelieving tone, though your eyes twinkled with amusement. “Is that who I should be talking to right now?”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head. “He – he wrote the music, but…no, the words are mine.” He searched your face hesitantly, and he slowly crossed the last few steps between you.

You stared into his eyes for a few moments, feeling like you might drown in them. Finally, in a voice that was barely a whisper, “And?” When his eyebrows quirked in slight confusion, you added, “Did you mean it?”

At this, he smiled broadly, and his response was soft. “Every word.”

He carefully placed a hand on your hip, his gaze questioning. He was so close to you now, and you were on the precipice of everything you’d been dreaming of. Tossing the final vestiges of your caution to the wind, you wove your hand into his hair, pulling him the last few inches towards you, answering him with a kiss.

He responded eagerly, bringing his other hand up to gently cup your face. His lips were soft and tender, his kiss urgent and worshipful. He kissed you like you were the answer to everything he’d ever searched for, and for you it felt like the whole world clicked perfectly into place.

When you finally broke the kiss, it was with a happy sigh. Bucky affectionately nuzzled your nose with his own before resting his forehead gently against yours. “I’ve been wanting to do that forever.” The way he was looking at you was making your heart soar like a balloon.

You couldn’t help but smile giddily. “Me too.”

Sam’s voice from the kitchen broke through your shared reverie. “You lovebirds done yet? We doing any actual practicing today or what?”

You and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh.

[hajimailhinata]

hello hajime! sorry to message you about this. i’m sure you must be busy. my anxiety has ruined my life. i dropped out of school, isolated myself, skipped therapy appointments & become severely depressed. i feel like a huge burden to my family. i don’t want to bother other people with this either so i keep it all in. i’ve already caused so much trouble for them. i’d rather deal with this on my own but it’s hard. i don’t know what to do anymore. i feel bad asking for advice but do you have any?

I was busy, but you’re much more important! I’m sorry you’ve had to wait. Slogging through these messages has been taking some time, but it’s still wrong that you were on your own for this long, even if you say that’s what you’d like. But… is it really? That’s where I feel a little uncertain, if it’s okay for me to say so. Because, I mean… if you wanted to deal with it by yourself, you wouldn’t be here at all. I guess that’s why you feel bad, but that carries some weight, doesn’t it?

I’ll be super honest, and you might not want to hear it, but this is my sincere advice. The way things sound, I don’t think you should be dealing with all this by yourself. Maybe you don’t want to bother others, or you feel incapable when you consider accepting help, but… there’s nothing wrong with reaching out to others. We’re all independent people because we’re meant to rely on each other as a means of support. Nobody’s entirely self sufficient. Whether we need direct aid or just the emotional crutch of someone’s affection or companionship, we’re societal by nature.

Like… don’t get me wrong. To an extent, it’s fine to do things totally by yourself, but I don’t think you should have to. It’s fine to take on a lot of work or try and manage your mental health by your own accord, because you’re the only one with agency in your life and any clear idea of what’s going on in your head. But when you’re suffering from that isolation, then that’s… Well. I don’t think it’s okay anymore. I don’t think it’s fair to bear all this weight by yourself.

I realize you can’t just waltz back to your family or whatever after all this. You’re in a big downswing, and you’d probably feel awkward or frightened trying to magically reverse it all. It doesn’t work like that, we both know it. I can’t change you feeling like a burden, but… Listen. If you can’t go to your family and you’re out of school and stuff, I think it’s a good idea to make an attempt to try and pick therapy back up. They’re sort of paid to hear you out, so there’s not meant to be any guilt in it. You’re not a burden, you’re just helping them make their living. I think that third party perspective would be super helpful. Especially since you’re depressed to the point that it’s become this debilitative, you’d benefit from someone who knows how to properly advise you.

I know that seems counterproductive to everything you’ve done, but that’s my true advice. Especially because you already have appointments to be skipped, you had help available to you, and I think you should exploit it. You’re not causing trouble by visiting them. That’s sort of their job, you’re just abiding by your contract. I know you might not want to hear that, but it’s the honest truth. I also think it’s seriously best. If you can’t do it right away, that’s okay, and I wouldn’t chide you for it, but… I think you should try. Just once or maybe twice. When your own mind is telling you there’s no clear solution, that’s a sign you need help from an outside hand, and that’s okay.

Dropping out, isolating yourself… Those are all major things, but I don’t think you can properly address or hope to resolve them while you’re still so down. In order to consider them rationally, you’ve got to sort out how you feel first. ‘Cause, I mean, if you head back as you are, it won’t make a difference. It’ll be hard to perform in class, it’ll be hard and feel insincere to talk to others… right? With that in mind, you shouldn’t get overwhelmed. Take things one step at a time. Try to push yourself to therapy first, and see if you make any progress on how you feel. It’s only at the point of change that you’re prepared to go any further, you know. Tackling everything all at once is… reckless.

In spite of how you feel, it’s never too late to turn back. Your future is in your hands at any given time. There’s no shame in returning to somebody who’s chosen career is to help you work through things. There’s nothing impossible about getting better, and there’s always the choice to reintegrate yourself back into both school and the social scene. You can rebuild any bridge you burnt. So long as you have the motivation, an ounce of heart, and the vision in your head of a particular goal, there is always hope of achieving it. Even if that goal just means feeling a little better. Repairing your life takes time, but it’s within your means. Not to sound cynical, but somebody who can tear everything down is pretty bold. You definitely have the power to approach things once more. Just try and see if you can tend to yourself first and foremost, or else you won’t see the meaning or feel very accomplished in doing so.

Please try and return to therapy. I really do think it’s a good idea. After that, deal with things one by one. Don’t rush yourself or scold yourself for any failures or moments of weakness. Every fragment of progress is worth praise and pride. Every day, assess how far you’ve come and acknowledge the things you’ve done. Even just evaluating minor successes, like getting up in the morning or remembering to eat… Those are worth celebrating. Take pride in the little things. I promise, those things do exist, and no matter how small, try and give yourself a nod once you identify them. Just a shift in perspective, just a little bit of positive reinforcement, half-hearted or not… It carries a lot of influence over the way you perceive the world around you and your situation as it carries forward.

Even reaching out to a guy like me is a show of your strength and your capability. It’s one of those things worth celebrating, because you pushed past your feelings to share your worries with somebody else, in spite of everything. That’s really cool. You’re really cool! If you’ve done it once, you can certainly do it again. There’s nothing bad about it. There’s no wrong in helping yourself, even if that means going to someone else. Sometimes, that’s all there is to it. You can handle things on your own when you’re feeling better, don’t you think? Worry about independence when you’re in a better position. For now, allow yourself the tools to get to that point- Try to rely on someone. Let them pick up a bit of your slack. You.. deserve that much, as bad as you’re feeling. 

You deserve to feel a little lighter, no matter what it takes. Please, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the sake of humoring some guy with a blog. Don’t… hold yourself back from getting better. You deserve a happy life, so take the needed measures to get there. If it’s for your security moving forward, it’s worth anything in the world and more. A little bit of reluctance right now definitely pays off if it means you’re okay later on. I mean it.

..Good luck.

[thefandomcritique]

Legends of Tomorrow Season Finale: 3x 18 The Good, The Bad and The Cuddly

I’m going to list all the things that were stupid about that episode in reverse order because it seems more efficient. Also because I’m so fucking angry and upset breaking it up into the teeny pieces of awful may allow me to handle it better.

1)    Terrible CGI greenscreen at the end. Wtf guys. Unnecessary.

2)    Constantine’s hair. It’s like they’re not even making an effort. I know it’s dyed, obviously, we all know. But I watched the actual Constantine show and at least in that it generally looks like hair.

3)    Why are they in Aruba 2018? I know for whatever stupid godawful reason they don’t recognize/respect the very time-travelling nature on their own show 90% of the time (the reference to Jax’s family was a very welcome exception) but we’d had Rip and Wally go to Tokyo in the 90s could they not be in Aruba 2016? Like Rory originally requested? Not to mention why is the Aruba thing coming back again? We’ve done that. C’mon.

4)    Gary. I disliked his addition this season because it’s symptomatic of so much wrong with season 3. He’s too ridiculous to feel real. The character almost never feels like a person. He doesn’t just feel like comic relief. He feels like comic relief from a low-budget 90s sitcom, canned laughter and all. The wig was moronic. So stupid it was dull and even the “presidential” line couldn’t save it.

5)    Amaya leaving was fine. Nicely done. Had to happen. Nothing wrong with it. I don’t like that they had to finish with Nate repeating “don’t turn around” because it came off as another lame attempt at humour. Just let the moment of emotional sincerity sit there for once. Let it exist.

6)    Oh god I’m starting to forget the moment by moment play and all the awfulness is just rising like vomit in my throat… Fine. I’ll just have to list what I think of.

7)    Bebo. Why. When they had the dumb viking episode it was terrible but fine in a stupid sort of way. There were even moments of emotional sincerity in that. Sara’s awful plan, not wanting to sacrifice anyone else. Her interactions with Ava. Ray going back to save Nora. It was a trash fire of an episode but fine as a random holiday blip. Why did they think this would be funny here? What is the audience they think they’re appealing to? Why, as the finale of a season, would this be considered satisfying?

8)    Fighting costumed armies in broad daylight would always run the risk of looking cheesy and dumb. It looked cheesy and dumb. There was no strategy in what they were doing or how they were fighting. The actors, especially Blackbeard, were poor (as he was the first time so it was not like we didn’t know). There was no (i.e. less than usual) sense that this was a real town – no other people, the buildings mostly empty, not extraneous props, no mud or ambience. Everything felt staged and hokey.

9)    Walking out to confront 3 bad guys holding out the very powerful things they want with no back up close by…. is just dumb.

10) Why did the 3 bad guys already have the black lines on their faces when Nora only developed those after she had been possessed and controlled for many years? We know why, of course. Because this show is dumb. And is aiming itself at dumb people. And there had to be some clear visible indicator that these people were possessed.

11) The care bear stare. Using the totems in this way was always going to look dumb. It was always going to look like the care bear stare. Calling it that didn’t help.

12) The dialogue was worse than usual. It’s usually below par for a DC show, which is usually fairly weak, derivative and predictable. This was worse.

13) Sara answering, “what do you think?” to Ava asking if she meant what she said and just generally giving the shippers no payoff whatsoever. Again, it didn’t feel believable for someone to reply like that or to react so little to the ex-girlfriend she loves over the hours these events took place.

14) Darhk still being played for sympathy AND comic relief. I can just about handle one or the other. Not both. Not without him losing any semblance of what and who that character is supposed to be.

15) I didn’t like Sara’s hair in this episode. She always looked so cool in the other old west episodes. Her hair looked stupid here. I know I’m being petty. Fight me.

16) Once again we are left utterly confused as to the point of this story, the point of the show. So they fight demons now? That’s the new thing? Time travel is just a wacky backdrop and every day will just be a new soundstage? Or are we praising them for finding a way to make people’s lives better, for helping people? Because if that’s the only criteria they could be doing a hell of a lot more than that with a time ship. Only they’re not. And there was meant to be reasons for that. Reasons they never managed to fully represent, consequences they never managed to convey. It’s depressing to have to accept that The Flash represented time travel in a more coherent and serious way than the goddamn show that was meat to be about time travel.

Things I liked:

1)    Seeing Ava again. She looked great.

2)    Thank God for Nate and Zari. They are (still) wonderful additions to the team – funny, believable (mostly) (side-eyeing Nate a bit), good actors.

3)    The bit where Sara got up on the horse behind Ava. Because it was cool. And Ava saying this was her first time on a horse. BECAUSE OF COURSE IT WAS.

4)    Jax was underused but it was good to show they hadn’t forgotten him.

5)    The scene between Darhk and Sara was good.

6)    I was glad Sara did in fact get to use the death totem. But everything with the totems was underwhelming and dumb in this episode.

7)    Sara believing they weren’t “worthy” bearers, which of course reflects her own opinion of herself, and having to be convinced otherwise. It was poorly executed but I liked it as a theme. But I really didn’t like harking back to this idea of the Legends as screw-ups and losers. Outcasts, sure. Lost misfits, certainly. But they’re actually each highly successful, insanely gifted people. Not only does that attitude serve to do the show down it also serves to make anyone sitting on a couch watching these super-humans denigrate themselves feel really bad about themselves.

8)    Rip’s death. It was simply, abrupt and genuinely moving. It also actually had some sort of purpose that sort of made sense. So that was nice. Though of course we’re not going to mention that they now lack the main time drive of the main ship. One might think that would be important.

9)    Amaya leaving. I know I mentioned that above but it’s still true and fits better in this list.

10) Jonah and Zari as a ship. Why not? I think they’d be great together.

[furederiko]

Meet the Rider of Science, and his power of... Exposition!!! Yeah, it's a full review for Kamen Rider Build episode 1...

NOTE: After long consideration, I've decided to upgrade my First Impression into a full review. This doesn't necessarily mean I'll be doing the same for the following episodes. That part is... still undecided for now. If anything, I might end up doing a batch review for several episodes in each new post. Probably once a month, or at least a bi-weekly (2 episodes) release. Assuming I continue watching, of course! Also, don't expect this to be as thorough/detailed as my recap-view for "Kamen Rider Ghost". To be honest, that ended up being a bit taxing to produce... LOL. For this one in particular, I've already offered some points before, so I'm just going to expand on those. Let's start!

- Like I've pointed out before, the Pandora's Box mystery is intriguing. Sure, it's basically another plot-generating macguffin, but what is it really? Of course, after a few days, I've realized one thing: TOEI seems to have a thing with cubes lately! Remember "Doubutsu Sentai Zyuohger"? And also that recent 'odd' anime series, "Sekaisuru KADO". I'm so glad "Uchu Sentai Kyuranger" has the... balls to be different. LOL. - The interesting part about this item though, is that it gave clear confirmation to the series' time setting. Much like Kyuranger, this show is being set in the future, albeit not as distant as that current Super Hero Time counterpart (after all, Kyuranger takes place more than 300 years after humanity's first space exploration). This first episode began around 10 years after the elusive Box was discovered. And that occured during humanity's first landing on Mars! - As for the "Romance of Three Kingdom" angle I said before? That's due to what the Box created: the "Skywall Disaster". When the macguffin was triggered during the Martian Exploration's homecoming ceremony, it unleashed a mysterious impenetrable Skywall that divided Japan into... yes, THREE areas. Namely, Hokuto (blue, the social welfare), Seito red, the economic recovery), and Touto (green, the traditional pacifist). The last is where this series is set (for now, at least). We have three confirmed Kamen Riders as well, so I'm guessing they will represent the Rulers/Leaders for each area. Not unlike Liu Bei, Cao Cao, and Sun Quan, right? - Oh, one more thing... that mysterious worker who conveniently activated the Box and instigated the tragedy? I could be wrong, but I think it's quite obvious enough that he's none other than our protagonist. His amnesiac state and strange obsession curiosity to the Box that was shown afterwards, strongly supported this theory. - Protagonist Sentou Kiryuu (played by yet another JUNON Super Boy winner Atsuhiro Inukai) is still grating on my nerves. Yes, I HAVE warmed up to him after 3rd viewing (kind of... sort of...), but I'm still having trouble liking this guy. He's what you get if the duo of "Kamen Rider W" had a child together: the cocky side of Shoutarou Hidari, and the naive curiosity of Philip/Raito Sonozaki. Calling himself genius and self-praising his own invention? Yikes! That's Shoutarou's bad-side all right. Also... Spada Spada Spada!!! Sentou's body language reminds me of Kyuranger's Spada. But he's far from being as likeable. For now, that is. - Inspite of that, I do like the questions surrounding his 'forgotten past'. That creepy human-experimentation nightmare? Yeah, it's a strong nod to Shouwa Riders, with "Kamen Rider Black" being a great example. It doesn't take a genius to guess, that it's how he ended up becoming Kamen Rider Build. Introduced via the nightmares, was 'Bat-Man'.... I mean the bat-themed Faust leader Night Rogue. It seems this mysterious figure is pulling the strings behind these experimentations. - Speaking of experiments... Ryuuga Banjou (played by Eiji Akaso) is the recent in its long line of victim. This stupid 23 years old is easily my second favorite character so far. His actor have proven his ability to showcase emotions in "Kamen Rider Amazons S2" (I hated his character at first, but he evolved into a compelling audience-surrogate later on). So he's another strong talent for the protagonist side. He also shared that Shouwa Rider-esque backstory, which comfortably placed him on route to become the 2nd Rider, Kamen Rider Claws. But if, and only if, this show is indeed going through the Sangokuden path, will he end up becoming Sun Quan to Sentou's Liu Bei? Hmmmm.... that would be a heartbreaking twist, considering how heavily he's being shipped with Sentou right now. Then again, don't forget Shadowmoon... - If Ryuuga's second, who's my favorite character then? The answer is of course... Gentoku Himuro (played by Kensei Mikai). Contrary to my First Impression, he's not that ambiguous. He's a sleek-haired corporate-level douchebag, as evidenced by his sleazy move towards the lady journalist. He might look cool and tough, but at several occasions, he's acting like a spoiled brat! That's probably why I liked him even more! LOL. I admit, he's currently present to deliver exposition dump regarding the Pandora's Box. But he also had his own mystery, which means future potentials. Gentoku's one of the three bigwigs who experienced the Skywall disaster first hand. Yet in contrast to his words, he looked okay, and seemingly hasn't aged in 10 years. What's the deal with him then? What about those other two, the lady in white and middle-aged man? Are they the leaders of the two other areas now? Why is the buttons on his gray uniform is on the left, and not right side? If I do end up following this series, getting answers to those will probably be one of the few reasons. - There's more. These past few days, many have been connecting Gentoku with the supposed-antagonist Night Rogue. A nice theory, but a little too obvious one if you ask me. Unless of course, TOEI is going the exact same route to "Kamen Rider Ex-Aid". Which makes sense, since Gentoku shares MANY similarities to Kuroto Dan! Both are played by crowd-pleasing really-good-looking (I can't really argue that, can I... ;D) 30-something actors, both are corporate businessmen who somehow got involved with the protagonist, and they exuded a strong "I'm a villain" vibe from the very start of the show. Two of a kind! But that's also the reason why it's too obvious. I doubt TOEI is going to rehash the same twist so soon. - Personally, I'm currently suspecting his assistant Nariaki Utsumi (played by Yuki Ochi) to be the real face behind Night Rogue. Going back to my Sangokuden theory, there's a likelihood that Gentoku will serve as the show's Cao Cao. But remember, it wasn't Cao Cao who ended up becoming the bigger challenge to Liu Bei. It was Sima Yi, who was his right hand and also personal advisor. I hope you're getting my point here... - Misora Isurugi (played by Kaho Takada) is obviously the official sidekick for Sentou. I sincerely hope we'll see a development in her character soon, because for now, her listless attitude... is sucking the joy out of this series. Think of it, like grumpy Koyomi in "Kamen Rider Wizard". She made me abandoned that series! For some reason, Misora has the power to cleanse evil. That means she might end up becoming a key character later on. That's a story for another day though. She's just part of Sentou's glaring exposition dump now. - Freelance journalist Sawa Takigawa (played by Yukari Taki and Cafe Nascita owner Souichi Isurugi (played by Yasuyuki Maekawa) are also exposition tools! Their main contribution to the episode was to deliver explanations, such as: the unidentified life forms Smash, how Build could extract their Essence to turn them back into human, how Misora could purify the Essence to be used by Build later on, why Sentou ended up living in Nascita's hidden basement/bunker, Build's goals in this series, as well as about Ryuuga's criminal background. Sawa served as the first damsel-in-distress, while Souichi as... Spada, Spada, Spada (that use of Italian? duh...)... a comic relief support. He was NOT funny though. AT ALL. Generally annoying for my taste. - Aaah yes, the flat dry jokes just did NOT work. It's said that third time's the charm, but definitely not for this one. None of the humor made me laugh, not even once. Aside from being weak in materials and relies too much on slapstick, the comedic timing was also off. The optimist in me would say, "Better luck next episode", but the pessimist half is saying, "Cut the crap, and just focus on being serious!!!". - If there's one thing I easily enjoyed about this episode, it's the design and concept. I could be biased due to my love to "Kamen Rider W", but Build certainly emitted Double's flair of style. Likely due to Ryuta Tasaki being the director. The dual-elements is a such a neat concept, combining biological and technological, though it seems these will not be limited to those categories (we'll be getting elementals like Diamonds, Fire, and more). Yes, the whole Full Bottles gimmick is basically an excuse to promote toy collectibles/figures. But at least it allows a variety of combinations, or as the Build Driver say... "BEST MATCH". The fact that it's created using purified Smash's essence (Hedgehog is the example) is equally intriguing. That means every Smash serves a purpose to become a new power-base! What will happen if Build accidentally uses an evil one, then? Will he turn evil too? Hmmm... - Build's transformation scene feels very SCIENCEy with all those physics equations. All those metallurgy angle... I really dig that! Sadly, the finishing move "VOLTECH FINISH" is a complete opposite. It's meant to look cool, but for me it's cheesy because the use of Physics felt unnatural/forced. Really, I don't think it's possible for anyone to move that way. To sum up, the Science approach in this episode was a hit or miss for me. - Last but not least, the nicely choreographed action, helped elevate the episode's second half into something that was genuinely entertaining. The motorcycle chase against the Touto armed forces in particular, was a highlight. It's over the top, but exciting. Like many had said, it felt like a Kamen Rider show once again.

As far as first episode go, this was... okay to good. Not great, due to many reasons I've pointed out above. Unlike Kyuranger that instantly stole my attention and sped off with it, this one didn't accomplish as much. It's clearly handholding its audience with thorough explanations here and there, so the bulk of it was merely expositions. Just to be fair, it can't really be helped nor blamed, considering this IS only the first episode. I do however, hope things will 'build up' with more... 'natural' flow in the next one. That's probably when I can properly decide whether to pick this series up or not. So yeah, allow me to reiterate: this post does NOT mean I'll be following the series from now on. There are some nitpick-ish parts I still need to... 'shake off' first, but I do have some good enough reasons to give it a chance, at least until around the 5th-6th episode. Here's hoping the next ones will be able to convince me even more... Next Episode: Is Ryuuga a real killer? Time for a murder investigation...

Episode 01 Score: 7,3 out of 10

All images are screencaptured from the series, provided by the FanSubber Over-Time. "Kamen Rider Build" is produced by TOEI, and airs every Sunday on TV-Asahi. Credits and copyrights belong to their respective owners.

[coolsecrettwin]

Wonder Woman Review

FINALLY! A good DC movie.

You know how I know it was a good DC movie? I gave a shit about the main character. Not just the main character, but lots of the characters.

If you have not seen Wonder Woman yet, go see it because there will be spoilers ahead.

Pros about this movie, because God there are a bunch.

Wonder Woman is directed by award winning director Patty Jenkins.

Gal Gadot is freaking wonderful as Diana. 

She brings such a life and soul to this character, something that I have not seen in comic movies in a while. We get to see her grow up into the woman we know as Wonder Woman.  She is a brave, selfless, caring, compassionate woman with a nativity to her once she arrives in the “real” world.

There is a distinct difference in this story from the mythology of the Gods and the Amazon women compared to the world she visits at the height of World War I. With mythology there is a sense of honor in battle and personal vendetta, where gods must fight one on one using swords or must know the opponent’s weakness.  Diana later brings up the impersonal use of a machine gun in battle, and how a soldier cannot see who he is killing.

When I saw the trailer for the first time I wasn’t sure in what direction the filmmakers were going to go with Chris Pine’s character. I figured he was going to be a soldier, and Diana was going to have to get him back to fight in the war and there was going to be a line about “Women are not welcome here.” Or him trying to hit on her. I was so ready for that situation to be in this movie.  I didn’t want that situation to come, but I was ready.

THANK YOU ZEUS, FOR SURPRISING ME.

Chris Pine is fabulous as Steve Trevor. He is clearly a man used to the real world and the tragedies that come with the real world because he has seen what horrible things people do to each other because of the war.  He has seen battles between men without honor. And it is this experience in the battlefield matched with Diana’s innocent compassion to help people that make this duo one of the best relationships in a super hero movie EVER. 

Steve is with her from the beginning.  It is not about her being a woman and him being a man.  It is about how they work together to accomplish their goals. They are equals and they help each other.

In the first act, Steve is the fish out of water on the island.  It is such a breath of fresh air to finally have a story line that does not revolve around a man from a different world saying, “No, my way is right, you are the ones out of line.” She points out some of his ridiculous ways of life, like having a watch tell a person when to wake up, sleep, or eat.  The watch, which later, becomes so, so important to his character.

The Lasso of Truth is another win.

The boat scene when they leave is also a joy.  We see the two interact and learn more about them.  Steve is unmarried, and does not want to make Diana uncomfortable by sleeping next to her.  But we learn that she has no problem with this.  It’s almost like the writers of the film realized that not everything has to be about sex, or that people don’t really need to think about sex to just catch a few Zs.  Like, this scene isn’t awkward. Those who think it’s going to be about sex make it awkward.  And of course that sets up the line about, “[The book] says men are needed for reproduction but not crucial for pleasure,” which had me in stitches.  I hope every man takes this line to heart.

When Diana gets to London, it is her fish out of water story, but an enjoyable one.  For instance, I figured Steve would be embarrassed to have a strange woman walking with him, or she would get in trouble for doing something crazy.  But he is concerned about her and does not want for her to get in trouble.  Her childlike wonder at everything made me smile.  When she sees a baby for the first time or when she eats the ice-cream and sincerely compliments the man who makes it.  She has a beautiful soul in a dark reality.

I love Etta Candy!  She is another soldier behind the scenes of this war. I can assure you without her, Steve probably wouldn’t have been able to find his hat.

When Diana gets to the front, I saw the greatness of this film.  She sees for the first time the savagery of human warfare and stops to listen to people who are suffering. She wants to help every one of them.  And Steve, knowing that the evil won’t stop by helping them, has to tell her that she cannot help them. There is nothing she can do until she fights the source of the evil.  That is where his realistic eye meets her optimism.  They both learn from each other. 

Her love for all does not weaken her.  She does not shut down her emotions to fight for people.  She opens her heart and uses her compassion to fight for those who need her.

The battle sequences are freaking amazing. 

The last part I will specifically praise is when I teared up. 

You know how I knew I genuinely cared about Steve? When I hoped they would have gone the cliched route and he had time to jump out of the exploding plane and have Diana jump to catch him and let them live and be married and live happily ever after. I did not want this man to die.

When Steve makes the choice to sacrifice himself, he goes to Diana, who cannot hear him because an explosion deafened her.  Steve is running out of time and he quickly tells her something that we cannot here, and he leaves his watch with her and leaves. He doesn’t have time to repeat what he said so she can listen.

I thought that was going to be it. The tragedy of their relationship heightened because she never got to hear his last words to her.  And honestly, I would have been fine with that. My heart was already ripped out at this point. I mean, how powerful would that scene have been if we nor Diana knew what he told her.

However, they do grant us some mercy and allow her to somehow remember what he said with sound. :/ Don’t really know how I feel about that. But still, an epic sacrifice and it makes Diana stronger because she sees the compassion for good in humans through Steve, hardened by war, but still able to see hope.

Now, the cons about this movie, thankfully are very few and I will be brief.

The villains, are the Germans, have german accents, but do not speak German, like, at all.

And are generally forgettable.  I would have liked to learn more about the poison doctor because she was hella creepy, but nah. 

One thing that I still don’t know how I feel about is making Aries an actual entity in the plot.  Throughout the story, Steve is constantly grounding us in the reality of the war, and the way I thought they were going to go was that Diana realizes that Aries is not an actual being that she can fight, but that she would see there is a bit of war and ability to create war in all humans.  And this concept for war was something she was going to have to battle to protect humanity.

But no, instead David Thewlis, this guy:

Is Aries, the fucking god of war.

And Diana battles him in an epic showdown, which if I forgot it was Professor Lupin then I could enjoy it a bit more.

And really those are the only complaints I have so overall, freaking great movie.

It leaves you with a feeling of kick assery and if you had a shield and the God Killer, you too could take on an army. I have a feeling lots of kids this Halloween are going to be dressed as Wonder Woman.